Sexual and physical abuse survivors develop an abused mindset which they take into relationships. This mindset sets them up to be strung along and tolerate bad behavior. Often, former abuse victims end up with abusers in intimate relationships. [Read more…]
When I was first getting to know my girlfriend, she told me about her relationship with her ex. She said that they were the best of friends, so it only made sense that developing that friendship into a romantic relationship would enhance what they had and bring them even closer.
After several years of emotional abuse and a bitter divorce, she left that relationship a shell of her former self.
Emotionally abusive people know exactly how to be a good friend. They show up when you need them. They say all the right things. They appear to be genuinely kind and generous to you and the rest of the world.
What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there’s something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don’t feel safe with you?
In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance’. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out.
What went wrong? What could he have done differently? [Read more…]
There’s a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it’s like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present becomes linked and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit “out there” but there is a process to go through if you want to try it out yourself. [Read more…]
Where do you go when you have a secret that you believe someone else needs to know? Are you loyal to the secret teller? Do you tell the person who should know the secret? It’s a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lies and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping?
Also, I receive a letter from someone who shares and expresses to as many people as she can but still doesn’t feel like she’s released or vented her emotions, so she ends up feeling empty and still having pain. Unresolved emotions fester inside of us until we address them in some way, but sometimes we don’t know that we’re still not deep enough inside the emotional well and all we’re doing is pulling up empty buckets.
Speaking of emptiness, feeling lonely even when around friends and family is a big challenge too. Lots to talk about today.
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