If you have a hard time saying no to people, it’s time to rewire your brain.
Saying yes to a request for your time, when you really want to say no, is allowing someone to cross your boundaries. You feel it inside and out. A question comes out of someone’s mouth, and you wholeheartedly want to say no, but something happens inside you, and you get this overwhelming fear that if you say no, something bad might happen.
Perhaps your friend will be upset with you. Maybe your relative will feel dejected. Even your spouse might go wide-eyed, wondering where this new “attitude” came from.
This doesn’t explain all of us, of course. But there are those of you out there that just can’t say NO. And when you say ‘yes’ to things you don’t want in your life, you honor the person that is crossing your boundaries, but not yourself. Does this make any sense? Is it better to disrespect your own values and beliefs by saying the polar opposite of what you really want for yourself?
When you allow others to cross your boundaries, you are giving in to a philosophy I don’t believe in at all: Don’t make waves. In other words, don’t make trouble… just follow the rules. That’s really like saying, ‘you’re better off allowing yourself to be compromised in order to make other people happy.’
If you really want to make the people that matter most in your life happy, you will honor every fiber of your being. You will give what I call High Quality Nos. Your true friends and loved ones will respect that you are honoring yourself, and that you’re coming from a place of confidence and self-love.
I know I love my wife more and more every day she honors herself by expressing to me what’s most important to her. I have learned that when she says Yes to something, it is her truth. And the same holds true for her high quality nos.
A high quality no is when you come from a place of absolute clarity and purpose. If you know you don’t want something in your life, a no opens the door for other opportunities. It doesn’t have to be emphatically stated, or driven by anger. It just has to be real.
You may disappoint some people at first, and some may even leave your life. But those who stick around are the ones that truly want you to be happy and succeed. They are honoring you, just as you are honoring yourself.*image source: http://www.howdoeslooklike.com/how-does-lion-look-like/