It’s truly challenging to be grateful for something until you’ve experienced inner appreciation first. After that, appreciation for everything else comes easier. When you’re in stress and overwhelm mode, however, it’s almost impossible to stop and appreciate anything. After all, once turmoil takes the stage, it steals the show!
We tend to focus only on what isn’t working in our lives instead of channeling our energy toward what is. One of the reasons we do that is because of our survival mechanism. We are conditioned to continuously monitor for danger. So our awareness focuses more on what could harm us, and less on what is harmless.
Because all life just wants to exist, we are engineered to move away from discomfort and pain, and towards comfort and pleasure.
In other words, every decision we make comes from a deeper need to be as alive as possible. The farther we are from pain or death, the closer we are to peace and happiness. This even applies to thrill seekers who appear to have no fear of pain or death. Though they have a need for more stimulation than most people, the end result for them is to experience being as alive as possible. The higher the risk, the greater the reward (if they survive!).
Being stressed about something is a fear-based state. It is when you are overly concerned that somehow you could be harmed if the source of that stress doesn’t stop. So, how can anyone appreciate anything if they’re stuck in this fear-based state?
Personal growth gurus tell us to be grateful for at least one thing every day. My answer to that is:
Don’t be grateful if it’s not authentic.
Pretending to be grateful for something will create conflict inside you, and this will lead to long-term negative effects on your mind and body. It’s the same thing when you try to speak affirmations – some just don’t feel right when you say them, because you really don’t believe them.
Let’s try something. Here’s one thing you can do right now to move away from stress, and toward appreciation:
- Think back to one moment in time that made you happy. It could be just a moment, or even a few days or years. when you were really happy. If you can’t come up with something, think of a time when you laughed hysterically. Those are always fun!
- Got that memory? When you think about that time, allow your body to fill with the emotions you felt when you were in that space. Really amplify those feelings now.
Do that for as long as you’d like. - When you’re ready, come back to now, and notice any appreciation you have for that experience. What about that time can you appreciate right now?
This is a small sample of what can be appreciated in the here and now – even in just a memory. Now, if your mind started going off in all different directions after you came back to now, that’s fine. This exercise isn’t about eliminating every stressful thing in your life right now, forever (though, couldn’t it be?).
Each memory has an emotion “anchored” to it. When we recall a memory, the emotions attached to that memory fill our body as if the original event were happening right now. We actually experience a positive physiological shift when we recall and step into a positive memory.
You felt it during that quick exercise, didn’t you?
When you are able to appreciate yourself first, whether through this exercise or just because you already feel it through and through, your gratitude spreads outward like a radio wave from your body. Not in a supernatural or pseudo-science kind of way, but in how you present yourself to the world. When you are in a grateful mindset, what you say and do is driven by that, and people respond to you differently.
Once you start living in appreciation mode, you’ll find love comes easier. Both from you, and towards you. Now isn’t that a nice side-effect?
*image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/16046854@N00/316194679/
Paul, thank you so much for what you are doing here. As an entrepreneur who really get’s into his work, I really sometimes need to “underwhelm” my brain and these articles are just what I need! Keep it up my friend!
Justin, I am honored by your words. I love “underwhelm” and I may need to use that in a future article. Thank you!
Great resources, Paul. One practice I try to be consistent in is looking back through old journals and photos. I even have an app on my phone called TimeHop (http://timehop.com/) that pulls all of my social media posts from this day one, two, three and four years ago and then shows them to me chronologically once again. Talk about a a great snapshot of life’s progression in the day for the day! In reflecting on the past I am able to really be appreciative not only of my personal growth, but in all the experiences I’ve been blessed to have and the amazing people who have been and are in my life. And today, I’m appreciative of the value you add to me!
Wow! What an amazing resource, thank you for sharing. Every now and then, I’ll take a look at some old photos I have in the closet. Whenever I run across one that gives me a “yucky” feeling, I throw it away. I realize that process may not be too popular with many people. But, in my opinion, it’s just another way to bring positivity into my life.
I love your viewpoint, and what you do to stay appreciative. Thanks for the great input!
Thank you so much Celest! I practice this quite a bit myself. So glad you benefited. Thank you for commenting.
Wow, so well said Dean. I love the idea of starting off the day like that. I have honestly not thought of doing that! (not sure why not). But I think now is a good time to start.
Thank you!
Beautiful post. This is so much better than most of the psycho-babble out there, because it is so real and honest. I totally agree with literally everything you said here, which does not happen often when I am reading articles on the Internet 😉
I like that you go beyond simply being grateful, and saying affirmations. Because when people promote such simplistic advice, I agree that it can actually do harm to some. So, thank you for putting this out there. You need to get this in front of more eyes!
Wow, thank you Andres. I am honored! I think that simplistic advice can work when you are already balanced and at peace in your life.
However, the truth is that we are knocked off balance many times by everyday events, and just need some practical advice on how to get back on track.
I appreciate your amazing comment.
Thank you for your comment Collin. I believe we can still be appreciative, even when we can’t stop for a moment of reflection. You said it best, focus on being your authentic self. When you do that, that alone will make an impact on your day!
That is a great “perspective” Kate. 🙂 One thing I practice, which is very similar to what you’re saying, is to accept the worse case scenario. When you accept the very worse thing that could happen to you, it frees you from worrying about it. And you’re right, the world is not likely to end! And even if it were, you probably aren’t going to care about what used to bother you anyway.
Thank you so much for your insightful comment!
Paul,
I love your insights. Though not a new concept, this is something we all need a reminder of often. I like the clarity you bring to being grateful; it must be genuine. Truly, we are all overwhelmed. We see the effects that stress can have physically on us (illness, hair color, wrinkles, hives, etc) and so it is the opposite. Peace and positivity can make us beautiful and physically well. It’s amazing to see what positive, peaceful people accomplish and their quality of life. It comes from within and taking time to think intentionally about this is so important. Keep inspiring us!
Thank you so much Melinda! It’s true, isn’t it? The peaceful and positive among us seem to have the least physical problems, and radiate beauty. Great insights. Thank you for sharing!
This is POWERFUL! I feel so good after reading this!
I need to do this on a more frequent basis.
I’ve heard of the “anchoring bias”, but that makes it so much easier to understand when you put it that way when talking about your emotions from experiences. Great info, Paul!
Thank you for that amazing comment Austin! Anchoring Bias is similar in the sense that all decisions are based on an original “anchored” piece of information. i.e you know what carrot cake is going to taste like because the gustatory memory of that taste is anchored to the visual and kinesthetic memory of you eating it before.
Negative anchors can be “collapsed” (so you no longer feel the emotion) using some interesting techniques, which I’ll be writing about soon. Thank you again!