Discover why you do the things you do and what stops you from reaching more peace and less suffering in your life.
Listen to the most recent episode now!
- How to avoid destroying yourself with guilt
- Being alone
- What to do when your self-improvement creates fears and conflict in others
- What comes out of you when people push you over the edge
- Establishing boundaries with toxic family
- "There must be something wrong with me": How you brainwash yourself by reinforcing negative false beliefs
- Facing the challenge, getting through it, and coming out of it new and improved
- When others make you feel small
- Are you inadvertently responsible for your own unhappiness
- Processing thoughts and emotions through self-guided questions
- Keeping your power in conversations with controlling, dominating and overpowering people
- Dealing with the impossible boss and other relationship advice when it comes to job, career and life
- Jealousy in the relationship
- When there's insecurity or fear around sex, the entire relationship suffers. And a listener disagrees with my advice
- Making difficult and sometimes painful decisions that almost always improve your life
- Enforce your boundaries, keep the balance, stop the compromising, end your suffering and more: Email grab bag episode
- What you might have to do if the people and situations in your life never improve
- The big, scary steps that lead to positive change
- Self-help variety episode: Anxiety, guilt, and people who are worried about their personal life interfering their professional life
- Changing your habitual negative emotions about the past or future
- Holding yourself in high regard when others don't
- When people don't step up in your defense
- Those intrusive, invading and disturbing thoughts that you try to resist and repress
- The tough-love principles of living a life without giving away your power
- When you just can't move forward because of inner conflict
- The decisions that cause you to lose your power and keep you in a rut
- You got through the bullying when you were younger but how do you deal with the residual as an adult?
- When you don't even realize you're giving a free pass to bad behavior: The simple formation and difficult termination of codependent relationships
- Dealing with those passive aggressive, negative, so hard to be around people that you just hope get it one day
- BONUS re-release: When Panic Attacks - The Anxiety Episode
- Utilizing your dysfunctions to work for you instead of against you
- Criticisms and hurtful comments from others don't apply when you are in alignment with your inner compass
- When you can't enjoy life because you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop
- Purging negative emotions as soon as they happen
- Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
- Dissolving love and connection by repressing thoughts and emotions with those you love
- Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
- When you're told to just accept your partner's emotional affair
- The regrets and upsets from the past that you just can't seem to get over
- Always Defending Yourself - Introduction to the Love and Abuse podcast
- The sacred components of personal boundaries and why you should define and enforce them whenever possible
- How to create the life you want
- When tiny compromises lead to resentments
- When you can't fully commit just in case there's something better
- When fear is the primary obstacle in your life
- How family drama can teach you a lot about personal boundaries
- Part 2 - Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
- Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
- Enduring the spotlight of humiliation, embarrassment and criticism
- When a guilty conscious interferes with your decisions and keeps you unhappy
- Should you leave or stay in a toxic environment - Is it ever wrong to leave the toxic person, place or thing
- When people take advantage of you
- Seven little habits that will change your life - special episode featuring Optimal Living Daily
- More self-help variety - The origin of upset, standing up to loved ones, apologies and forgiveness, shame and anger around death and more
- Self-help variety - Pushy people, jealousy, body image, self-worth, self-esteem, intrusive thoughts and more!
- When you're downright miserable at work
- Second chances - How do you know if it's safe to take someone back into your life?
- What to look for when starting a new relationship
- Giving up your power to toxic people
- Living life on your terms
- The 'take care of you' episode: Showing up as the best version of yourself
- Avoiding vulnerability and stuffing down emotions
- Why don't people understand me? Taking responsibility for the meaning of your communication
- The Silent Treatment
- Are you enabling the bad behavior of other people?
- Decrease Social Anxiety
- I'm right you're wrong: The sides we take that create division and distress
- Finding your true path so you don't end up living a false life
- Stop believing what hurtful people say to you: Transforming negative self-talk to empowerment
- How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
- The phobia of commitments and making decisions
- Investigating gut feelings in relationships
- Loosening the Emotional Grip Problems Have on You
- The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
- Signs that you are a difficult person for others
- The mess of mixed messages
- When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
- People pleasing your way to unhappiness
- Withdrawing love and affection
- When you just can't figure out why you're unhappy
- Is Your Negative Self-Perception Making You Believe in Lies?
- Increasing intimacy in your relationships and a comment on obsessive thinking
- Should you leave your partner if the future seems bleak?
- Pulling out of the emotional rut
- When you can't let go of guilt
- The vulnerabiliity of full self-expression
- I don't let anyone get close to me
- When your parent doesn't make you feel worthy
- Are you capable of emotional abuse?
- Learning the process of figuring out problems
- Releasing the fears and pain by walking the path of enlightenment
- Empowering yourself to fearlessness
- When you feel unlovable and unworthy
- When your partner changes their mind about your life plans
- The life decision you regret - Never find true love again - Do you value yourself
- Life changing lessons and working through introversion
- Exploring infidelity - Can the relationship survive the affair
- The life-altering mistake - Controlling others can lead to betrayal - Things narcissists do
- Emotionally unavailable - Express and heal - Cancelling Criticism
- When you lose your mentor - The biggest problem in the relationship - Control and Responsibility
- Find the Right Teacher - Everything is failing, nothing is working out
- Controlling upset toward others - Feeding dysfunctional people - Full commitment then re-evaluation
- Changing someone's life - Tackling your insecurities
- Breaking up for newbies - Enabling your own terrible relationship - Dating the emotional abuser
- Valuing Your Partner's Values for Relationship Longevity
- Handling a Rejection - Combining logic and emotion - Leaving doesn't mean not loving
- Stupid questions that heal - Dealing with the Sociopath - Endless codependence
- Will letting go of my narcissistic mom destroy my self-worth?
- Getting along with everyone - Stuck in the marriage - Get offline to stretch your mind
- Work sucks. Help.
- An Addict's Mind - Is Suffering Optional - Avoid Healing by Judging Others
- Resolving Before New Years - Are You The Problem - Free Will or Destiny - Get Ready for Next Year
- They love you but don't like to say it - Getting over the guilt of how you treated your ex - You can manipulate but should you
- The Adapting Chameleon Personality - When they hurt you to get rid of you - Accepting or denying toxic family members
- When your partner sides with their family against you
- The cheater who went from kind to cold when caught - Ex won't return even after I improve - Your intuition needs closure
- Holding on to a lie to keep the relationship going
- Attracting higher quality partners - Feeling sorry for those that abuse you - Try, try again or do or do not
- Escaping the Real World - Kids and the Narcissistic Parent - The Isolation of the Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
- Losing love and the general lies we tell ourselves
- Freeze instead of fight or flight - Learning what didn't work with the ex - Healing the hole in your heart
- The abuse victim's perspective - Step-parents and step-children - When honoring yourself leads to loneliness
- Keeping Your Relationship from Slipping into Dysfunction
- Stonewalling - Expectations of friends - Emotional abuse follows you - Get away to get closer to people
- How to feed your brain - Why do abusers abuse? - Too scared to be in a relationship - Everything is temporary
- Guilt stops growth - Dad's new girlfriend - Enabling the freeloader
- Those "think positively" people - Little problems that lead to explosive reactions - What is a toxic person?
- Mother treats me badly - Early warning signs in relationships - You are not that - Bypassing intuition
- When "I Know" prevents healing - How to be a safe partner - When others bypass your intuition
- The no-win conversation - Lashing out at others - Blame the cheater not yourself
- Success via stress - Never too old - judging others when you do the same thing - The guilt of the infidel
- Obsessing about people - Can your marriage heal if you grow - Online shaming
- See me, Judge me - Is your opinion really that important?- Stop Oversharing - What is No Contact?
- Trusting Your Gut - Can You Reconcile with Someone You've Hurt - Making Decisions Easier
- Blaming Others for Everything - Does time heal? - The overworking ADD partner - Hanging up on family
- Wanting someone who doesn't want you - The price of inauthenticity - When you want someone to get help
- Criticism and how you are like them - How to start the therapeutic process - The damage to the soul when someone dies
- So What You're Afraid - Avoiding Unavoidable People - To Start Anew or Wait for the Old
- Feeling Unworthy by Comparison - Your Partner's Controlling Parent - Breakdown of Narcissism - Recycling Dysfunction
- Handling negative feedback - Stop worrying about everything - Enabling is disabling - Guilt and apologies
- Does Authenticity Make You Cringe - Getting Past Your Partner's Past - Building Rapport with People
- Rekindling with toxic family - The long-term results of honoring yourself - Even the victim plays a role - Contact or no contact your ex
- All those years wasted with your ex - When hope works against you - Under the stream of negative emotions
- Identifying Your Sense of Self - Overcoming the Guilt of Leaving the Emotional Abuser - Diminishing Emotional Triggers
- When You Haven't Achieved Life Goals Yet - Walking the Line Between Partner and Consoler - Waiting for Your Ex to Return to the Relationship
- Starting Sex Before the Bedroom - Achieving Closure After the Breakup - Attracting Authentic People
- Fear-Based Decision Making - Wanting more than friendship - Giving it all away for free
- Holding on to regrets and resentments - What is healthy communication? - When it can't get any worse
- When it's time to call it quits in a relationship - Weaning family off you - Finding Purpose
- Don't Want You in My Mind - Spouse's Parents Don't Like Me - Most Important Relationship Lessons - Standing in Other's Shoes
- What are Guilt and Shame - Fearing Rejection and Abandonment - Solving All Your Problems
- Suicidal Thoughts - You're Not Alone - The Big Picture in Relationships - Taking Time to Heal Loneliness
- Emotionally Needy People - Tapping into your Foundation - I Didn't Ask For Your Advice - Fighting Desires
- Failing the Challenge - Silent Abuse in Relationships - Depressed and Unmotivated - Appreciating What Works
- Committing to a Decision - Chronic Pain and Suffering - Trouble Receiving - Expanding Beyond You
- Surviving the Crisis - Self-Perpetuating Abuse - Building Resilience Through Criticism
- Settling for a job because you can't find anything better
- Overcoming General Unease - When Nothing Works Out in Life - Questioning Trust in Relationships
- The Abused Mind and Mixed Signals in Relationships - Still Mourning - Overcoming Your Overwhelmed Brain
- Breaking Through Obsessive Thoughts - Is Everyone Toxic? - The Real Issue in the Relationship
- Bad Luck and Great Fortune - Stuck with No Way Out - Small Lies and Big Problems - Advice For Life
- Judging Others - Moving from Guilt to Great - Guilt is a Path to Compassion
- When love isn't enough - Will marriage fix dysfunction? - Untying selfishness from personal boundaries - Tolerating abuse
- Racism does not make good rapport - Can Separation save your relationship_ - The standards of a good relationship
- Why do we dream - The baggage of new love - You either give or take
- The Formula for Friendship - Tuning Into the Yellow Flags of Betrayal - Trusting Relationships
- Forget New Years Resolutions, Let's Talk About Commitment and Compatibility
- A Journey into Jealousy - The Dysfunctional Family Holiday Season - Their Emotions are not Your Responsibility
- The Emotional Healing Journey - To Express or Not To Express - Focus on Yourself
- The partner who'd rather be anywhere but home - Honoring myself everywhere but home - The present moment
- The Toxic Episode - The toxic relationship - Validating toxic friends - Enabling Toxic Behavior
- The Spiritual Lessons Connecting the Past to Present - Letting Family Hit Rock Bottom - Alone on the Holidays
- Getting better at receiving - Recovering from abusive love - Living with the affair
- Selfish or self-sustaining? - The mom who wasn't there for me - Obsession about my partner's history
- Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse
- The Meaning of Communication - Guilt by Manipulation - Obsessing Over the Ex
- The Pattern of Anxiety - Saving Anger Only For Those Closest to You
- Laughing at Criticism - There Are No Terrible Children - Fixing Your Own Toxic Behavior
- Measuring Your Worth and Esteem - Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
- The Silent Treatment - The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior - Permission to Hate
- Indecision and Stagnation - Realizations of a New, Bad Marriage - Music and Emotions
- Losing Your Identity in the Relationship - The Brilliant, Worthy You - Exes as Friends - The Right Partner
- The Bad First Impression - Living with Debilitating Pain - Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
- The Yeah But Mentality - Life After Abuse - Rejecting Former Friends
- Building emotional deficit - Can't find or keep friends - In Love But Still Cheated
- My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late - Guilt About Leaving the Marriage - More Manipulative People
- The Dysfunction of The New Normal - Offending Defensive People
- Strength in vulnerability - What if divorce is a mistake? - Never happy without someone else in my life
- The choice to confront - Release the pressure of negativity - can long distance love work
- When people don't like you - Is it time to get a divorce - Some family isn't healthy to keep
- The secrets that we keep - Feeling overexposed and hollow inside - Lonely when you are not alone
- Getting control back - The small door out of depression - The unforever soulmate - Emotionally disconnected partners
- You still have to do the work - Protecting your kids from dysfunction - The chain of thoughts
- Taking the opposite advice - I feel unlovable and unwanted
- Learning your boundaries - Utilizing anger in a healthy way - Accepting the limitations of others
- Acting from Integrity - Balancing personal growth with relationship growth - Knowing when you are out of love - Making the right choices
- The Kids Episode - For Kids And The Kid In You
- Healing from New Age Thinking - The fears in honoring yourself - The stolen childhood of Adult Children of Alcoholics
- The relationship you have with yourself - Wanting the anxiety to go away - Enabling abusive people
- The Process of Self-Sabotage - You don't have to forgive everyone - Anxiety all the time
- Finding a career that works for you with Scott Barlow
- Codependency: The Subtle Erosion of Love and Connection
- Depending on Abusive People - When Physical Pain Will Not End - Should You Take Someone Who Desperately Wants You
- How your needs drive your behavior and motivation
- Resolving Emotions Mindfully - I'm Not Cheating So Whats The Big Deal
- Keep Showing Up and Bringing Value - Dealing With The Pain of Lost Love and Starting the Healing
- Kids Humiliating Kids - My Boss is Irrational - Enablers Give Their Dependents a Free Ride - The Meaning of Spirituality
- You Cannot Control Every Thought - Taking the Leap Into The Improved You - Making Empowered Decisions Around Family
- The Abused Mind in Relationships - A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out - Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
- Spotting the Red Flags of Incongruent Metaphysical Teachings - Keeping Your Cool at Work - Empowering Others
- Healing And Growing From The Dysfunction of Childhood - The Depression of Sexuality
- Aligning With Fulfillment - The Disrespecting Unloving Relationship - Brain Trick For Eliminating Negative Emotions
- The Emotional Debt of Financial Debt - A Listener Works Minimum Wage and Owes Two Hundred Thousand for College - You Are a Specialist
- A Yes Person Can Say No - Fear While Talking to People - Even a Goldfish has Emotions
- Transforming the Jerk - Ask Paul About Waiting During a Long Distance Relationship - Making a Contingency Plan in Case of a Break Up or Divorce
- A Perspective on Living with Chronic Pain - Coming Out in the World and Broadcasting Your True Self
- The Snapping Point of Lasting Change and Finding Compassion When People are Petty
- Standing Up For Yourself Is The Right Thing - Getting Resistance While Honoring Your Boundaries - A Listener Stops Listening and Calls Me Out
- The physical symptoms of emotional turmoil - The Unfaithful Husband and the Wife Who Never Let it Go - A Story of Giving for the Holidays
- Finding peace when so many people are suffering - Listener email about desperately wanting to save a relationship - inner emotion expressed outwardly through voice and movement
- "I Want to End My Life" - A Letter from a 14 Year Old Considering Suicide - Special Episode
- Gain Empowerment and Inner Strength by Accepting that Death Could Be The Outcome
- The One You Feed - The Good Wolf Interview with Eric Zimmer - Then I Talk on Depression and Beliefs then Close the Show with Gratitude.
- Changing Bad Habits, an Inspiring Letter from Someone with an Eating Disorder , and Jared Fogle and Antisocial Personality Disorder - or the Sociopath
- Eliminating Negative Memories, the Yin Yang of Masculine and Feminine, and Emotional Detachment
- Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want
- Self-Worth, Self-Esteem and Choosing to Handle Situations as the Child or the Adult
- Self-Compassion and Fearing Happiness
- Do You Control Fate - Recovering From The Lies You've Told - You Can Spot a Fake Laugh and inauthentic behavior
- The Long, Dirty Divorce Episode: Enduring The Emotional Drain of a Never-Ending Broken Marriage
- Adapting to Change and Accepting Death
- Do You Forgive? And a Little Bit on Shame
- Part 2 - The Seven Habits of Highly Overextended People
- Part 1 - The Seven Habits of Highly Overextended People
- The Family Curse: Do You Become Who You Are Around Family, or Who You Used To Be?
- Programming Your Future for Success
- What's Missing In My Life?
- The Problem with Resisting Your Problems
- The 10 Components of a Satisfying, Loving Relationship - Part 2
- The 10 Components of a Satisfying, Loving Relationship - Part 1
- Stop Justifying Your Poisonous Beliefs - The Curse of Denial
- The Deception of Perfectionism
- Relationship Boundaries and Strengthening the Bond
- How Do You Show Up In Life?
- Perceptions and Why You Aren't Always Right
- The Everyday Bully and Bully Behavior
- The Breakthrough from the Breakdown and a Note on Assumptions
- When Those Deeper Negative Emotions Just Won't Go Away
- Setting Goals for People who Hate Setting Goals
- When Others Aren't Ready for you to Evolve
- The 5 Simple Realizations of a Peaceful Mind
- What's the Point of Life Without Joy and Happiness?
- More Motivation and Less Anxiety by Building a Healthy Ego
- Sometimes the End of a Relationship is the Beginning of a New Challenge
- The Personal Emotional Challenges that Keep Us From Business Success
- Start Trusting Your Instincts
- 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do with Amy Morin
- Annoyed by your job? Making the transition into something that fits you.
- Reducing Negative Self-Talk
- Closing the Past to Open the Future
- A Practice in Mindfulness
- 10 Life Lessons You Should Already Know – Part 2
- 10 Life Lessons You Should Already Know - Part 1
- Questioning Your Truths - The Philosophy of Belief
- Judgment - The Ultimate Relationship Destroyer
- What you think you know you probably don't
- Honoring Your Personal Boundaries - Revisited
- Dealing with the Victim Mentality
- Empowerment Through Vulnerability
- Infidelity - An Overlooked Warning Sign and Healing in the Aftermath
- Releasing Emotional Triggers in Relationships
- Repressed emotions cause harm to the body
- Practicing Presence in a World of Past Hurts and Future Worries
- Ending Suffering and Moving Towards Inner Peace
- That "Blink" Moment, and Making the Right Decisions
- Optimism, Pessimism and Creating the Life You Want
- Clearing the Path to Happiness
- How to deal with irrational people
- How embracing the masculine and feminine in you leads to a fulfilling life
- Building self-esteem and self-worth, while avoiding the ego trap
- Avoiding and Eliminating Humiliation and Embarrassment
- Letting Go of Attachments Part 2
- Letting go of attachments Part 1
- The Challenge and Freedom of Forgiveness
- Can Your Defense Mechanisms Keep You From Creating the Life You Want?
- How to live a more balanced life by accessing your inner strength
- Relationship love, acceptance, and the decision to leave or stay
Current articles and episodes
By Paul Colaianni on December 3, 2019
If you don’t mind, I’m going to be Captain Obvious for a moment and share something with you that you already know:
Life can throw you a curve ball and turn your entire world upside down.
Let me give you an example of a curve ball: (read more…)
No Comments » | Filed under: anxiety, Decisions, Depression, Divorce, Fears, Loss, Overwhelm, Regret, Relationships | Tags: major life events change everything, When life throws a curve ball
By Paul Colaianni on October 8, 2019
Listen to this episode (0:57:43)
Do you make small compromises with the people you love so that they will like or love you more?
There are two ways to compromise:
One has attached resentments, the other doesn’t.
I’ll give you one guess which method of compromise works better for the relationships in your life. (read more…)
No Comments » | Filed under: anger, Ask Paul, Codependency, Connection, Dysfunction, Emotional Triggers, Emotional Withdrawal, Intimacy, Loneliness, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Podcasts, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth | Tags: building resentment in your relationship, Compromising for others, When tiny compromises lead to resentments
By Paul Colaianni on June 27, 2019
Listen to this episode (34:49)
Do you value what your partner values? If not, you may be in for a rude awakening when they suddenly get upset with you for seemingly no reason.
What’s important to you may not be important to them, and vice versa, but it might be a good idea to make what they value important to you since your relationship’s longevity may depend on it. (read more…)
No Comments » | Filed under: anger, Ask Paul, Divorce, Fears, Marriage, Personal Boundaries, Podcasts, Relationships, Values, Vulnerability | Tags: Valuing your partner's values, what's important to your partner?
By Paul Colaianni on May 5, 2019
Listen to this episode (1:17:20)
It’s hard to enjoy life if you are weighed down with the belief that something bad is going to happen. How can you appreciate today if you believe tomorrow will bring misery?
There is a path to a better today. This episode will give you some tools to make that happen.
No Comments » | Filed under: abuse, anxiety, Ask Paul, Fears, Insecurity, Obsession, Overwhelm, Relationships, Toxic Thinking | Tags: Always waiting for the other shoe to drop
By Paul Colaianni on April 7, 2019
Listen to this episode (1:2:11)
If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating?
Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally “see the light”?
In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you… not for others, but for yourself.
Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others without the drain on you.
To make sure your compassion doesn’t kill you in your relationships, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast.