Repeat after me:

“Your jealousy is not my problem.”
“Your insecurities are not my problem.”
“Your dysfunctions are not my problem.”
“Your inability to accept me as I am is not my problem.”

These are bold statements, I realize. But some of us, somewhere along the way, have learned to shrink ourselves to make others more comfortable. We learned to change who we are to fit someone else’s expectations.

And in doing so, we lost something essential: ourselves.

When your partner wants to stay friends with an ex who clearly still has feelings for them, it can feel like a threat to your relationship. You might feel unsafe, disrespected, or worried that they’re not prioritizing you.

These feelings are valid. But the way you handle them can either strengthen your relationship or slowly erode it.

The real issue isn’t usually about the ex at all. It’s often about trust, insecurity, and whether you’re trying to control your partner’s choices to manage your own fears.

One thing I’ve learned about emotionally abusive relationships is that most people don’t realize they’re experiencing it until they’re already deep in it.

And some never recognize it until years after the relationship has ended. Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious. In fact, it may be one of the most insidious forms of abuse there is.