Today’s episode is on self-compassion, which is what you give to yourself when you stop being overly giving.
The raises the question: Can you be too much of a giver?
Also in this episode, I talk about a listener email I received from someone who asked if it’s possible to fear happiness. He seems to have the “perfect life”, but still fears being as happy as he can be. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you’ve never done before.
Today’s quote is by Tara Brach and it’s this:
“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.”
One of the most important steps in your personal growth, healing and evolution in this life is the practice of self-compassion. I like to think of it as treating yourself as if you were helpless, where you step back out of your body and assess “you”, in front of you, as a different person – then be compassionate towards that person.
If you really imagine this scenario, you’ll treat yourself a lot differently.
We only know our perspective from our perspective! So we take that viewpoint everywhere we go in life, and it becomes so well known that we don’t think about it. We don’t think about giving ourselves compassion because we are “us”, if that makes sense.
It’s like reminding you to breathe. I don’t have to remind you to breathe, because it’s something you do already. Breathing is ingrained and it’s who we are, and unless we spend a lot of time underwater or in sports or activities where breathing is emphasized, we’re not going to think about breathing.
Just like we don’t think about when we need compassion. We are embroiled in the realities that we create, and sometimes forget that when times are tough that we need to show compassion to ourselves.
The exercise I like to teach is this:
If you could step out of your body for a minute and look at yourself, as if that person were your best friend (which they should be!), what would you tell that person? What kind of advice would you give that person in the situation they were in right now?
Many of us spend a lot of time giving guidance to others, but forget that giving ourselves guidance can be just as powerful and enlightening. On top of that, the most important aspect of being self-compassionate is this:
You can’t be truly compassionate towards anyone else if you are not compassionate towards yourself first and foremost.
You can give compassion unless you come from a place of compassion. In order to come from that place, you have to practice self-compassion. You can’t give what you don’t have!
You can’t love from a place of no love.
You can’t feel for others if you don’t feel for yourself.
Compassion for others has to come from a place of knowing compassion for yourself. When you come from this place, then you are ready to be compassionate towards other people.
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This is the part of the show where I answer a listener’s email.
I stumbled across your podcast about a month ago. I have spent quite a bit of time listening to them and although it’s hard to tell whether my life has changed already, I am very inspired listening to them.
A few years ago I relocated to another state for a job. The job was a fantastic opportunity but as I worked in this industry I started to become depressed by the kind of work I did, so I quit.
I decided to change my industry of work and do something that I very much enjoy doing. After another few years and several jobs later, I can officially say that I have a job that I really like. I am married to a woman that I love, we own our home, and things seem to be going very well.
The dilemma I have is that with everything going as well as it is, why am I afraid to be happy?
Is it even possible to be afraid of happiness? I seem to do just fine when I am at work, but on my evenings and weekends I catch myself being unhappy even if I am doing something fun.
Do you have any advice?
Thank you so much for your time, I love your podcast and I will support it any way that I can.
Bill (not his real name)
I answer Bill’s letter on today’s episode (see Play button above the image). I talk about how it is possible to fear happiness, and that even though you can have seemingly everything you want, you can still not be as happy as you’d like.
There are reasons for this, well, one main reason, and that’s usually because of something you haven’t dealt with yet. Our subconscious mind holds many memories, and some don’t feel so good so they stay repressed and unresolved, creating an underlayer of unhappiness.
You may not even know you have this underlayer until you actually get everything you want. Then… it shows up to remind you it was always there.
There is a way to start eradicating this unhappiness. Listen to the Ask Paul segment for the rest of this article.
If you listen to this show and experience small shifts in your life but just can’t figure out how to get past that underlying feeling of negativity, or have challenges that no one has been able to help you resolve, well, that’s my specialty!
A lot of people tune into this show looking for that one piece of information that changes everything. If you still haven’t been able to make the changes you want in life, maybe you need one on one coaching with me.
I want to empower you to create the life you want, and not be stuck at a point where you believe “that’s all there is?”
If you’ve been listening a while, then you know I’m a tad unorthodox so when you reach out and schedule a session, don’t expect any rehashed, repackaged personal growth teachings. We’ll work together to dissolve those emotional blocks. Click on Coach With Paul on this page for more information.
If one-on-one coaching is a tad beyond your budget, consider becoming a TOB Luminary in The Overwhelmed Brain Inner Circle.
The Inner Circle is a private meeting group of The Overwhelmed Brain listeners where we connect once every two weeks in a conference Q & A call (video chat if you have access, but I may have a call in number too), and you get access to all the digital books and worksheets I’ve created, along with the ones I continue to create.
Also, we’ll have guest coach speakers that will teach us about specific topics that we can all benefit from by practicing in our own lives.
So if you’d like to join a private group with me, click on TOB Inner Circle, it’s all laid out there.
Who knows, maybe we’ll be on a group video chat together soon!
Closing words: Make Yourself Redundant!
I get lots of letters throughout the week. Some are a powerful reminder of where I’ve been and others are an eye opening shock of how bad things can be for some of you.
And each one I get is a clear indication that what I started over here at The Overwhelmed Brain was a good idea. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m bragging here, because I have so much more to learn, but what I have learned over the years many people sell in products and services.
But when I started the show, I realized that in order to affect the most people, I needed to give everything I know away for free.
Then, after about a year and a half, I decided that it was time to start coaching one on one because even the the show was a brain dump about everything I know about a particular topic, it still didn’t address very specific issues and complexities that we all experience.
Coaching covered those people. Then I took what problems appear to be most prevalent from your letters and from my clients, and I stuck them in books and worksheets so that I could hopefully cover the gamut of how else I could help you with what I’ve learned over my lifetime of personal experience and professional training.
I’m always finding ways to reach more people, and also trying to fill in all the gaps of those I can’t reach.
But why am I telling you this? I’m saying this because I want you to embrace that you have knowledge and experience that others don’t, and that you can also share it with the world, or as many people as you can, so that others can learn from you.
I am one person who knows what I’ve learned, and choose to keep learning. I dedicate my time and energy to evolving and expanding my mind so that I can evolve and expand yours.
This is what you can do for others! We all know something that someone else doesn’t, and when we teach someone what we know, we expand who we our.
You see how that works?
I’ve worked with people who would withhold important information that would be helpful to me and others, but they wanted to keep all their knowledge because they feared that if others knew what they knew, they might take over their job or maybe they’d get fired because now that knowledge is no longer protected.
I won’t lie, this can happen. You can know how to do what you do better than anyone, and by sharing it with others, you now make yourself redundant.
Well, that’s my mission, to make myself redundant! I want you to know as much as I know so that your life is easier. So I give away all I can because I want you to have the most stress-free life possible.
A stress free life is almost impossible, I know. But the closer you are to that, the easier it is to deal with the challenges that come everyday. Once you’re in a space where a lot of the buried negative emotions are expressed and released, things that used to bother you no longer do.
This is what I want for you. And this is exactly what you can do for others! You know things that others don’t, so what can you teach them that would make their life easier?
I don’t care if it’s something as simple as how to use a paperclip the right way. Sometimes that can save someone a lot of headaches!
I showed my girlfriend a button she never saw in her accounting program, and it completely flushed her frustrations out of her system. She was elated! It was a simple thing that completely altered her state.
Alter someone’s state!
Be giving with what you know. The more knowledge you give, the more people around you become your allies, not your enemies. Unless they really are your enemy, but you’ll weed those people out soon enough.
My message to end this show is this: Teach someone something that makes their life easier.
Look for things that they do that seem to frustrate them, and figure out if you can find an easier way to do what they need to do.
If you have a boss, do this for him or her, and you’ll soon find your relationship gets a lot better. Just sayin! 😉
And with that, open your mind and step into your power, and be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want. Always take steps to evolve your consciousness and your awareness. You are powerful beyond measure, and above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you, you are amazing.
Connect with me!