So many of us simply live day to day, trying to make the next day as good as the last, or better. The day to day can be fulfilling, or it can be grueling. If it’s the latter, it’s possible that there is a primal need at your deepest level not getting fulfilled.
If that’s the case, it will be harder to attain the peace and balance you may be looking for.
This article covers lessons five through ten, and helps you understand what you may need to focus on to create a happier life for yourself.
Tony Robbins says that we “should” all over ourselves when we use that word, but there are times when we need to hear it.
The word “should” might give you that rebellious feeling. You might get turned off if someone tells you you should do anything. I’m not here to tell you what you should do at all. In fact, I’ve been known to say, “Don’t do anything I tell you to do. Only do what works for you.”
What we’ll talk about today are the next five life lessons you should already know by now. Does that give you that feeling of, “Who does he think he is, telling me what I should or shouldn’t know?”? Ha ha, it’s possible you don’t feel that way, but I bet some of you do, especially those who are new to this show.
Let me say this to help you if you call bull on my “should”. That word, “should”, typically comes from a place of judgment. When someone tells you, “You should buy that timeshare, it will reward you year after year”, that is them projecting onto you their own thoughts and feelings about timeshares.
They might be happy with a condo that they can vacation in once a year, but it might be terribly inconvenient for you. “Should” comes from a place of ‘what’s good for me will be good for them too’. There’s an obvious problem there, as you know.
So when I say that you should already know these life lessons, it does come from a selfish place, I’ll admit it. It is me thinking that by you knowing these life lessons, you will be more at peace and more fulfilled.
I say you “should” already know these things not because I know what’s best for you, but because I actually believe you are already intelligent and above mainstream thinkers.
This doesn’t mean you actually do know everything I talk about already, but it does mean that’s how much I believe in you to be able to create your life. I do think you already know a lot of what I talk about, but I word it in a way where it helps you perceive things differently.
Our brain loves patterns, so if you hear what you already know spoken the same way as you’ve heard it before, you’re likely to dismiss what you hear. After all, the patterns that are already created in your brain can sometimes be like ruts in the mud. You’ve traveled the same path over and over, and there’s no new information going in.
But if I give you a different perspective or “reframe” what you already know, suddenly you’re learning something new, even though you already knew it.
Makes perfect sense, right? Ha ha, okay, maybe not. But even what I just said, you already know at some deeper level. We all have resources inside of us that we can use to help us through any situation. When I talk to you, I’m only helping you uncover those resources so that you can utilize them in your own challenges.
The sun shines everyday, you should know this! Even on a rainy, cloudy day, the sun is shining, you just may not be able to see it. You know at a different level the sun is up there, shining down. Just like all the lessons you learned throughout your life – you should already know the lessons I teach! I’m just here to remind you of what you’ve learned, but may not have known how to apply.
You have beaten adversity before, and you’ll do it again. You’ve learned so many lessons, and you may not even realize you’re learning now.
I don’t know if you’ve heard any of my coaching calls with Michael Hsu, but I have a couple episodes out there where I actually coach him through struggles. When I coach, I never give anyone anything new, I just help them uncover what they already have in themselves.
With the first coaching session I had with Michael, he suddenly realized who he was at the deepest level, and drew upon that from that point on. I didn’t give him that knowledge, I just helped him uncover it within himself.
This is what it’s like for you too. You have a plethora of resources inside you, but you may not have looked at your life that way. Maybe you look back and think, “Wow, my life was so hard and I regret so much”, or “I’ve been victimized throughout life so how could I possibly have the resources to help myself?”.
You are only limited by what you think you know, not what you really know.
What you really know is deeper, and harder to access sometimes because of some of the challenges you’ve gone through, and may still be going through. What you know today helps you get through today. What you’ve learned over the years however is what will get you through the rest of your life. You may or may not realize that, but I do. I know it, and you “should” too.
I just want to minimize the negative association with “should” if possible. I realize we’re told not to “should” on anyone like, “You should eat healthier” or “You should spend all your money on lottery tickets”. But how I’m using should today is like this:
You should benefit by reading this article. And, just like the sun should still be shining beyond the clouds, you should know these life lessons, because they are buried within you. And if you don’t know them consciously, well, that’s what we’re going to bring to the forefront today.
So let’s get beyond “should” and reveal the next 5 life lessons you should already know. And if you still don’t think you know these already, then maybe I should just start the article and let the learning, healing and growing happen on its own.
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Let’s recap the first 5 life lessons from part 1. Here they are:
- Stay open to being wrong about your beliefs
Yup, you can believe in what you believe in 100%, but just know that in a moment’s notice, someone could challenge your belief, and you can either close up tight and not allow any conflicting information into your psyche, or you can listen and objectively agree or disagree.
What I love about beliefs is that they are yours to do with as you please. They are there to make sense of life, and help you understand what’s happening in the world.
Believe what you believe until something comes along that causes you to rethink that belief. Life usually goes smoother that way.
- Let go of the drama
This is one of my favorites, because we’ve all met people that bring drama into situations. And, we’ve all likely brought drama into situations ourselves.
Drama is the vocal and physical expression of, well, unprocessed or unexpressed emotions. And it’s typically expressed in a not so constructive way. It’s like when you have to consistently pick up dirty laundry from the floor, day after day. Finally, after weeks of built up negativity, you burst out something like, “I’m so sick of you leaving your clothes all over the floor. It takes me a long time to clean this house and you use the whole house as your own personal laundry basket!”
When you are able to step out of the drama, and get your needs met constructively, people will feel more comfortable around you. What typically happens is that when other people witness your drama, they may think that you are a tad volatile and unpredictable.
Diminish drama by expressing yourself more constructively.
- Let other people be themselves
This is powerful. Everyone wants to be who they want to be. They want the space and safety to be the person they feel inside, instead of having to wear a mask.
Letting others be themselves is like opening the cell door and setting them free. Sure, we have to take care and be careful not to let harm come to those we love, but we also have to realize that they want to experience the world in their own unique way, just like we do.
- Realize that anger is rarely about the moment
When you get angry in a situation, it’s because that situation is similar to a previous situation that makes you angry.
Why does this matter though? If there comes a situation where you’re angry about something now, but in reality, you’re actually angry about something else from your past – so what! You’re still angry now, so how does knowing this help you?
It helps you because it gives you a moment to step back and let you reflect about where and who you are directing your anger towards. Here’s an example, just recently a friend made a comment that I thought was putting me down. He said something like, “What the hell does that mean?” I took it as this person thought I was an idiot.
I felt unsupported and chastised at the same time, so I responded very unconsciously and snapped back something like, “Jeez, thanks for the support friend!”
I felt bad and immediately apologized. Why did I care so much how he said it or what he said? I mean, am I so sensitive that someone else’s thoughts and feelings about me affect me to the point where I lose control and snap back?
Like I said earlier, we all get a little dramatic sometimes. Well, when I explored this inside of me, I figured out that I wasn’t angry at the person, really, I was scared inside that if I wasn’t loved, I’d lose the connection I have, and the safety I feel being accepted by others.
It was a huge leap for sure, but that’s what it boiled down to for me. Anger isn’t about the moment, it’s a cover that shields us from what’s going on inside of us at a deeper level.
- Honor your personal boundaries
The core of who you are is what you are typically protecting when we talk about personal boundaries. It’s where all your emotions stem from, and is not only where you’re most vulnerable, but also where your power comes from.
Your most authentic self is at your core, you know, the person you really want to be and express with no limits? We don’t always honor our personal boundaries, and when we don’t, we let people and circumstances penetrate our boundary walls, weakening our core and making us feel less alive and more stressed and overwhelmed.
Defining and honoring your personal boundaries will help you regain your empowerment, and allow you to show the world your more authentic self. Once you do this, your self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth all increase, creating a domino effect of positive changes in your life.
It’s where you start when you have no clue where to start with your own growing and healing.
Alright, now that we’ve summed up the first five, let’s get into the next life lessons you should already know. It’s time to complete the list.
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The first life lesson on our list today is
- Be You
Be the person you want to show to the world. This is where you embrace who you are and are not afraid to face the world as you. This doesn’t necessarily mean you just break all the rules and come out with guns blazing, because we all still have to get along. But it does mean you express yourself from a deeper place of confidence in yourself.
This means you honor your thoughts and emotions. You are in alignment with your morals and values. The more authentic you are in life, the more you will get what you want. Being authentic includes being vulnerable with others that you trust.
When you can allow yourself to be vulnerable in a safe environment, it will strengthen you from the inside out, because you’ll get all of the hardest stuff out of the way. The hard stuff is any of your regrets, shame, guilt, pain or hurt of any kind. The hard stuff is what you hold onto and don’t want anyone to know about, because you feel it might make you look weak or powerless.
We don’t like to feel powerless, because that is a place where we don’t feel safe, and we feel exposed to the world. However, by revealing this part of you to the world, you really get to be authentic – the real you.
I remember before I got married telling my wife the few secrets about my life that I never told anyone before. I figured if I was going to get married, then I wanted to be free and clear of any pain or regret, so I just garnered up some courage and told her the hard stuff.
She took it so well, and I felt great afterward. Revealing some of the most personal details about my past was liberating, and helped me heal too. Telling her the hard stuff freed me to be more authentic with her and other people too.
When you feel free, you feel empowered. This is what being vulnerable is all about, and how it benefits you. Once you are vulnerable, and allow that hard stuff to come out, you get to release it, which frees you to be the genuine you.
Be all the you, you can be.
- Show compassion for yourself
Compassion is when you are kind to someone. Typically, when you are compassionate towards someone, the recipient of that compassion will benefit in some way. Whether they just enjoy a smile or a helping hand, or something more that you might be able to offer that person.
However, being compassionate towards yourself really only involves one thing we’ve already talked about, and that is this:
When you honor your boundaries, you show compassion towards yourself.
Along that same line, when you don’t honor your boundaries, you are showing a lack of compassion for yourself.
I like to compare showing compassion towards yourself like you’re witnessing a bully beat up someone in a wheelchair. Most people would step in, even at the risk of getting hurt themselves, to help the person in the wheelchair.
So when you’d show the same amount of compassion towards yourself as you would to the person in the wheelchair, you will live a much more fulfilling and satisfying life. So when the boss is screaming at you in front of all of your coworkers, do you honor yourself and ask him or her to respect you, or do you cower and let it continue?
There’s no right or wrong answer, of course. It’s a matter of how you feel inside. If you feel like you’re getting beat up, how will you respond? Or, if you feel like the boss if making a fool of themselves, so it doesn’t matter to you how loud they yell, then maybe no response is needed.
It’s a matter of checking in with yourself and learning what is not acceptable in your life. I realize we already talked about personal boundaries, but it’s important enough to say it again, because I believe that most of our fears come from not honoring ourselves in the first place. At least the fears that hold us back from doing the things we want to do in life.
Self-compassion is so lacking in our world today. I don’t like making sweeping generalizations like that, but I do see more people showing more compassion to others than themselves. It sounds noble, and it can be, but as long as it’s not taking away from who you are deep down inside.
For example, my mom is so compassionate towards other people. She will give up her own downtime to help others, to the point where she feels exhausted. People love her because she is so willing to help, but she seems to have very little boundaries, so some people have been known to take advantage of her generosity. But, because she’s so nice and just wants everyone to be happy, she’ll forego her own needs for others.
This builds resentment. And the more it happens, the more resentful she gets. This is what happened in her marriage for sure. The more nice and accommodating she was to my stepfather, the more resentful she felt when he would never reciprocate and only ask for more.
If she had been more compassionate to herself and took care of her own needs, it would certainly changed the situation quite a bit. For one, she’d stop being the enabler in the relationship, helping out whenever she was needed, allowing her husband to stay in the place he was, without ever growing.
And two, she wouldn’t have built up such resentment and, dare I say, hatred towards him before it all fell apart. We build up our own hatred towards others when we aren’t compassionate towards ourselves, because we can tend to let others walk all over us. Again, it comes back to personal boundaries.
Hey, what can I say, honoring your personal boundaries is being compassionate towards yourself, so that theme will resonate with many of the topics I talk about in this show.
For now though, remember that compassion for yourself first will allow you to be authentically compassionate towards others. After all, if you are compassionate with resentment, that’s not true compassion. If you are kind to others by dishonoring yourself, you really aren’t being kind, you’re just trying to get through the moment.
Start thinking about how you can show yourself more compassion. Whether that’s not being so harsh on yourself, or taking yourself out to have a good time somewhere. Think of your needs, and what you can do to fulfill those needs. You’ve earned some self love and compassion, so be kind to yourself and that kindness will spread to others.
- Don’t invalidate others or be around those who invalidate you
I had a guest on a while back named Remy Chausse who taught me about invalidation. It wasn’t something I gave a lot of thought to, but after that episode, I really figured out the impact invalidation has on people.
Invalidation is when it feels like you don’t matter to someone else. That’s quite painful, because when we’re hardwired to be part of a species that sticks together for survival, and bonding and intimacy, and it feels like our presence in someone else’s life doesn’t matter, it almost makes the whole journey seem not worth it.
Invalidation occurs a lot though, not just every now and then. In fact, I’d be willing to bet it’s one of the more prevalent behaviors in almost all relationships. And when it happens, it chips away at the love and respect we have for one another.
I once told the story of when I was a teenager and I asked my mom to buy me some computer disks. Back in the 80s, we had those big 5 inch floppy disks, don’t know if you know about those or not. But, there were very few stores that carried them.
Well, I saw her later in the day and she was so happy to report that she was able to find and purchase the disks I needed. After she bought them, she hurried home to tell me. She knew she was going to make me happy because I needed them, and she just enjoyed seeing me happy.
So, when she told me she got them, I was definitely happy, and thanked her so much. But then she told me how much she paid for them, and my jaw dropped. The store she went to didn’t sell cheap disks, only expensive ones. I asked her why she paid so much and why she didn’t go to another store to save some money?
She was confused. All that mattered to her was that she got the disks for me, and the price didn’t matter. She just wanted me to be happy.
Well, I wasn’t. I thought she paid too much, and I told her this. And something I didn’t expect happened… she cried. She felt bad and suddenly realized how much of a failure she was in my eyes.
This was the first time (and I think the last time) I remember making my mom cry. I suddenly felt like the biggest jerk in the world. Instead of thanking her so much, or even offering to pay her back no matter how much they cost, I just put her down making her feel stupid.
I invalidated her. All she wanted to do was to see my happy face, and I didn’t accept that as an outcome, I created another one that made the situation terrible. I made her feel like her actions didn’t matter. I made her feel like she didn’t matter.
I did feel awful that day. And I apologized after I realized what I did, but I knew I couldn’t take back how I made her feel.
This is what happens to the other person when you invalidate their successes or whatever makes them happy: you make them feel insignificant, like they have no purpose except to be chastised or ridiculed. It’s an awful feeling being invalidated, which is why it’s so important to catch yourself doing it.
This is what happens in a lot of arguments. Well, probably most arguments. One person states their side, and instead of the other person saying something like, “So, let me try to understand what you’re saying…”, they say something like, “You’re just being a jerk. You don’t care about my feelings, all you want to do is sit around all day” or something equally as invalidating.
A response to someone that makes it appear that you did not hear them is invalidating. You may have heard them, but they don’t know that because you don’t even acknowledge what they said.
One of the most effective ways to argue, not that I encourage arguing, is to do this: Acknowledge and understand what the other person said first, then state your side. When two people can do this, the argument will end a lot faster, and it is more likely that whatever the problem is will be resolved because there is simply more understanding.
Validate the person you’re talking to, and you will find that it adds to your closeness and bonding, instead of letting that closeness deteriorate by invalidating.
One last thing on this topic, invalidation can happen very innocently too. Someone might tell you, “I really loved that TV show we watched last night” where you could respond, “You did? Are you nuts? That was terrible! You must have bad taste!”
To some people, that seems like an innocent comment. But that is invalidation, and it can hurt the relationship. A validating response could be something like, “You did? Wow, I didn’t feel that way about it. What did you like about it?”
The difference between that response and the previous one is that it shows that you are paying attention to what they said, and are interested in their opinion, even if it doesn’t match your own. The first response was judgmental, and could lead to some resentment, even if at a really deep level. As you know, resentment builds, and there is usually no good outcome from built up resentment.
Learn to catch yourself when you are invalidating someone else. The way to do that is to remember that everyone wants to know that they were heard and understood. It’s not fun when you aren’t even heard, let alone, ignored completely.
- Learn to be more tolerant and patient
If you don’t have tolerance and patience in this hectic world, it’s going to be a long, hard journey for you in life because very few things are designed to be quick and easy. There are simply too many people in the world, so we’re always going to have traffic, long lines, problems with our order, and mistakes on our bill. That’s just a start of course.
This really points to the never stagnant nature of the world, and how we have to continually adapt and evolve to an ever changing environment. Sure, we get lucky and can go for days or weeks without an issue, but when that issue comes up, how do you welcome it?
That’s one of the hardest parts of dealing with challenges in life, welcoming them. I recently decided that I needed to get more exercise, so after my vacation in Atlanta, the very next day it snowed outside. This gave me a chance to put some extra clothes on, grab a shovel, and clear the driveway. I haven’t shoveled snow in at least 26 years, so I forgot what it was like. Well, it was cold, that’s for sure. And it was a lot of bending over and moving like I hadn’t done in a long time. And when I first started shoveling, I was thinking, “Why do I live here? What was I thinking?” And I started going through all the reasons I didn’t like what I was doing.
And then I remembered, “Oh wait, I wanted to exercise, what a perfect opportunity to do so!” With that, I felt some extra motivation to work at it. I moved my body more, and got each shovel-full a little heavier each time.
At about an hour though, I was ready to quit. I’d had enough, and was simply not motivated anymore. That is, until I remembered something that I wasn’t doing, but I’m happy to tell others to do it. Yeah, sometimes we forget what we teach and go through challenges in our own way. But as soon as it came to mind, I felt good again.
What I teach is to welcome the challenge, and let go of the resistance. The way I let go of the resistance is to tell the universe to “Bring it on”. I felt more powerful when I said it too. As soon as I uttered the words, “Bring it on, is that all you got?” I felt this surge of energy come through me, and I was able to finish the job. I was tired, but I made it.
What’s great is that even though I was ready to quit a half hour before I was done, that comment gave me the impetus to continue. It filled me with motivation, and actually gave me more physical energy to complete the job.
What’s your “Bring it on” to the world? Do you have a statement that you say to yourself or the universe that gets you through the tough times? I realize that “bring it on” doesn’t seem to align with tolerance and patience, but the reason I mention it is because what usually happens during a challenging situation is that we wear down, and resist doing any more. Our patience grows thin and our toleration decreases tremendously.
But when something is going to happen anyway, we might as well welcome it. This bypasses the resistance we built, which usually causes us stress. It’s typically not what’s happening that causes us to stress, it’s how we respond and behave that causes it. When it snowed, I could have said, “Oh great, it’s snowing. Why me!” or think about how it would benefit me. I chose to utilize the snow as a method of getting more exercise.
Yeah, it was cold and not very fun at all, but I welcomed it. Then, when I was getting tired and ready to quit, I spoke up in the face of my own adversity and made it to the end. Then, whenever I felt resistance come up after that, I would say something like, “Is that all you got? I’m still standing!” or something like that, and I was suddenly motivated again. I don’t know, maybe I felt like I was proving something to Mother Nature. Either way, it got me through the challenge.
By bypassing the resistance as I did and welcoming the challenge, I connected with my tolerance and patience. Sometimes life is going to feel awful, and you’ll feel like tolerance and patience is nowhere in site. Those are the times you reach back inside of yourself and know that what you are experiencing in the moment will only make you stronger, and is only temporary.
It’s an old cliche, I realize, but it’s so much better than resisting what is. Figure out your cliche to help yourself get through challenging times. Sometimes you cannot stop things from happening, so you find ways to utilize those moments to benefit you.
- Bring balance into your life
If you work 14 hours a day and play 1 hour a week, that’s not very balanced. If you argue everyday with your partner, and have date night once a month, that’s not very balanced.
Balance is when you experience enough ups to counter the downs. If you work 12 to 14 hours a day without taking time to yourself, that’s not balance. If you get 4 hours of sleep at night, and are exhausted all day… well, you know where I’m going with this.
I had an episode a while back called “How Embracing the Masculine and Feminine in You Leads to a Fulfilling Life” where I talked about the both aspects of what makes you human: your masculine side and your feminine side. When you are able to embrace both aspects, and utilize the qualities and characteristics from each as needed, you will have a much more fulfilling and rewarding life.
Quite frankly, you are made up of a man and a woman. You have it inside you, whether you like it or not. And the more you embrace that you have both aspects, and are able to pull from either at anytime, the more balanced you will be.
That’s just one aspect of balance, of course. The examples I mentioned earlier definitely apply and will improve your life tremendously if you are able to balance those areas of life too.
I used to be on call for a job I had 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. That means at any time, whether during dinner, during sleep, or during intimate moments with my loved ones, I could get called to take care of a matter at work.
This caused me lots of stress all the time. I never felt peaceful when I wasn’t working, because in a sense, I was always working. At first, I really enjoyed the position. I felt needed, and people looked up to me to fix problems at a moment’s notice. It was a nice boost to my ego.
But after a couple years, I was over it. I was tired, and started not liking my job anymore. Even when I had lots of time to play or be with friends, I still had that low level stress happening because I could be called at any moment.
I needed balance. I needed a change. So I quit my job, and my life improved! Funny thing was, I got another job where I had to be on call again. But this time, it was only once a month, so I did end up finding a better balance between work and the rest of my life.
It’s not just work that we need to balance out either. Too much of anything is not always good for us. A pill can get rid of a headache, but too many can give us a headache, or worse!
I remember in my 20s, I used to love playing video games. I didn’t have much money, so I’d save for months for that one game I wanted. Each purchase was special, and it was gratifying to get the game.
But when I got a different job and had a lot more money to spend, suddenly being able to buy any game I wanted anytime made it so much less special. And sometimes downright boring. Having all the money I needed to buy games made what used to be special now feel dull. Isn’t that strange?
Of course, nowadays, I want experiences, not material items. So I treat money quite differently. But since my desire back then was to gather more stuff and be entertained, it just felt meaningless when all I had to do was go out and buy whatever I wanted.
Do I still want too much money today? Of course! But today I’m a different person, and treat money differently. It isn’t what drives much of my behavior, it just enhances the experiences I can have in life.
But think about what’s out of balance in your life. Money is always a good one to think about for sure. Are you spending $100 on cable every month, but can’t afford groceries? Sometimes money problems are really priority problems that can be handled differently. Finding balance in your life sometimes means switching priorities.
I used to be a person that would start a lot of projects, but never finish any of them. My finish-to-start ratio with projects was always way off, and I definitely didn’t have balance in that area. Then, when I decided to work on only one project and focus on that one project until I completed it, suddenly I felt like I had accomplished something. That one decision gave me a new perspective on my pursuits, and I decided to do that more often.
Balance is when you switch around your priorities, and make sure to give yourself enough ups to counter the downs. And I realize that sometimes you have to face so many downs that it’s hard to counter them because you’re always in the downs.
When that happens, take time for yourself whenever you can. Whether that’s a longer shower, waking up earlier to have some alone time, or combining an up with a down, so at least the down isn’t so bad. Like listening to your favorite music while shoveling snow.
I know life can throw a lot at us at times. And sometimes those challenges can last for years. Just remember, you can make it through this. Bring balance where you can. And bring the ups into your life more often. Every little step towards balance helps.
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Alright, here are all 10 life lessons that you probably have memorized by now. But repetition is great for the brain, and the more you hear the more clear you’ll be on what you can do to bring peace and fulfillment into your life.
- Stay open to being wrong about your beliefs
You only limit yourself if you choose to be absolutely right about anything. Being right can help you go through life a lot smoother, but refusing to be wrong can limit your access to possible solutions that you might not consider.
- Let go of the drama
Hey, we all lose control every now and then, which is why it’s important to take a step back, take a breath, and explore your options more proactively instead reactively.
- Let other people be themselves
The moment you drop your judgments about the way other people are, the more they trust and like to be around you.
- Realize that anger is rarely about the moment
Something can make you angry now, but think about what’s below the anger. Is it a fear or other emotion you don’t want to face? Anger is productive in some circumstances, but not all. Here’s another one you step back from for a moment, and really reflect on what’s going on inside of you.
- Honor your personal boundaries
The more you do this, the more life seems to fall into place just perfectly. Self-esteem builds, self-worth increases, confidence levels rise… it’s one of the most powerful steps to peace and fulfillment, let alone happiness, satisfaction, and a whole slew of positive feelings.
- Be You
The more you that you let come out, the more authentic and whole you feel. It’s goes along with honoring your personal boundaries, and dives even deeper into empowerment.
- Show compassion for yourself
Negative self-talk usually squashes self-compassion, so that’s a good place to start. If you ever beat yourself up in your mind, remember to honor your personal boundaries. If you do truly honor your personal boundaries, then no one, not even you, can violate them and walk all over you.
Honoring your personal boundaries is self-compassion, so the two go hand in hand.
- Don’t invalidate others or be around those who invalidate you
If you have people in your life who simply don’t support you, or worse, put you down when you feel good about something, maybe it’s time to make a change in your life. I can’t imagine being around such negative people all the time.
That is one of the ways I honor myself actually, is to keep consistently negative or invalidating people out of my life. Can you do this? If so, a whole new world of peace and fulfillment opens up.
- Learn to be more tolerant and patient
Simple advice, I know. And you may not know the first step to getting into this space, but when you step out of a dramatic moment, and pull yourself together, you may realize that what’s happening now is a tiny fragment of what could happen in this entire universe.
Here’s something you can practice when you come to a place of ‘no more patience or tolerance’: Role model someone else. I know, this sounds weird, but imagine you are Eckhart Tolle, or the Dalai Lama or someone that is very present or just a calm person. Maybe someone you know personally even. When you can step into this person and become them, your entire demeanor will change.
Again, it sounds weird I know, but try it out sometime. You may find you have all the patience in the world!
- Bring balance into your life
Balance! Leveling off those areas of life that are too much of one thing and not enough of another. You have ups and downs, it’s all a matter of getting the levels to a place that gives you reprieve from too much of one thing.
You can’t always be working all the time just like you can’t always be playing all the time (even though you may think you want to). Sometimes bringing balance into your life means facing certain realizations like, “Gee, if I work less, I’ll make less money”. But when you think about a statement like that, how are you enjoying the money you’re making now?
Of course, you want to save and invest and do all the things you’re supposed to do, but think about your priorities. Balance is a matter of priorities. Priorities are determined by what you value most in your life.
What do you value most? And what do you value second-most and third and so on? Once you get your priorities in order, you’ll invest your time, money and energy into those areas and start bringing more balance into your life.
Think about what you can do to bring more ups into your life to counter the downs, so you can level off a bit and make life a tad more fulfilling.
And that’s where we’re going to end the show today. I’m sure there’s an 11th life lesson I should have included, but maybe that is to simply realize that I will never be able to cover everything I want to cover in the confines of a single article. There’s always more to learn, and when you are open to more, new knowledge, you will always grow.
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Are there only ten life lessons you should already know? Probably not. In fact, there are plenty more. I know there are more that I’m still learning myself, so this list will never be finite, nor complete. It is an ever growing list, because we are always growing.
I don’t know about you, but I do welcome challenges. I honestly can’t stand going through them at the time they are happening, but after they’re over, I get to reflect and take something away from each one.
My last challenge was bringing drama into a conversation I was having. I was like, “Ouch, where did that come from?” It just goes to show that we have a subconscious mind that likes to present unexpressed thoughts and emotions to our conscious mind every now and then. Hey, bring it on, right? Bring all of it on so that you can express and release this stuff. The more you release, the happier and more at peace you’ll feel.
You may not want to bring it on like I do, but either way, I want you to step into your power and be firm in your decisions and actions, so that you can create the life you want. Because when you do this, you’ll discover what I already know to be true about you, that you are stronger than you thought, and… you are amazing.
