If you’ve been the victim or the perpetrator of infidelity, or you suspect that there might be cheating in your relationship, this article will help you understand several important aspects of the cheater’s behavior, the cheating partner’s perspective, and what both partners need to focus on if they are planning on saving the relationship after the affair is discovered.
Whether you want to save your relationship or not, this article will be a good resource to help you understand the perspective of both partners.
A relationship can survive infidelity if both partners want to work on it, but there are some challenging steps ahead for the couple on this path.
This article is a path to understanding the basic components of the cheater, cheating in general, and what it takes to create a successful relationship during the rebuilding process.
Suspecting your partner might be cheating on you is never a thought you want to enter your mind as it could mean a reality you don’t want to face. If you are suspicious of your partner cheating in your relationship, or you’ve learned that your partner has cheated on you (or you’ve cheated on your partner), the following may help you understand the cheater’s mentality and why people cheat in general.
Learning the basics of cheating will give you a better understanding of a cheater’s mindset and highlight what could be going on in your relationship if you suspect cheating. You’ll also get a taste of what might be happening in the cheater’s partner’s mind as well.
If you’ve ever cheated, or are cheating now, knowing what your partner has gone through or is going through now may give you the perspective you need to take the next right step for them and the relationship.
Note: I use the terms “cheater” and “victim” throughout this article. They were used to make writing the article more efficient and not meant as permanent labels or condemnation.
Cheating is bad behavior, but not necessarily indicative of a bad person
Cheating by itself doesn’t always mean that the person doing it is necessarily an awful human being. It may feel that way upon discovery by the victim, and it doesn’t necessarily mean the cheater doesn’t do other behaviors that make them awful, but cheating is not necessarily what defines a person as a whole
The only reason I would ask you to adopt this philosophy is so that if you’ve been cheated on and you want to heal your relationship after the affair, it’s important to accept that the person who cheated still has good in them.
If you instead define the person, and not their behavior, as “bad”, you may not be able to heal and and rebuild the relationship as you hoped. You may find yourself calling them every name in the book for a while after you learned of the cheating, and that’s okay, but when you are ready to rebuild the relationship, knowing they still have some good in them can be very helpful during the process.
A caveat to this is the unfortunate fact that some cheaters will always be cheaters. Those are the kind of people that you don’t want to rebuild a relationship with. We’ll get into more detail about those types of people later on but for now understand that there are some cheaters that may not be able to (or want to) change.
Cheating is a huge symptom of a failure to communicate authentically in a relationship
If a partner is considering cheating, or has cheated, it is likely due to the fact that they didn’t authentically express what they needed from their partner. This caused them to seek it elsewhere. That’s not the only reason of course, but it’s one of the biggest.
What would your relationship be like if your partner wasn’t afraid to share anything with you? Imagine that they had no fear and were able to express their wants and needs to you without worrying that you’d leave them or get upset. Do you think there would be as much of a chance they would cheat?
Cheating often happens when the cheater chooses not to share what they want or need with their partner and instead seeks those wants and needs from someone else. There are many reasons for this, but one of the main reasons originates from fear of how the cheater’s partner will react if they were to express their true thoughts and feelings. After all, telling your partner that you find a coworker sexy, or that you are unhappy in the bedroom, or that they are becoming less attractive to you, might lead to a conversation you don’t want to have.
But if the potential cheater were to share that they were having these thoughts, even though their partner’s reaction may be incredibly difficult to face, they may find that the ensuing and likely difficult conversation to come will lead to more understanding and quite possibly, positive change.
The downside to sharing such information is that it could also lead to a breakup or divorce. This is the dilemma that often manifests when one or both partners choose to hide desires or critical comments they know will create tension or stress in the relationship.
When one or both partners instead face their fears and ask for what they want, it can lead to one of the most powerful relationship-growth moments they could have. Sharing and expressing at this level can strengthen the bond and solidify the relationship even more. The downside is that the relationship may not survive such authenticity. Or, if it does survive, it could be more difficult than it was before because now there are truths on the table that your partner may not be able to handle.
When you hide your true wants and needs, and instead try to fulfill them outside the relationship, you will probably end up with relationship difficulties anyway. The choice to express yourself authentically does come with some risk. The high risk of honesty can come with the massive reward of strong bonding.
When you are not honest, not only do you continue a relationship that probably feels less and less intimate every day, but your dishonesty (or lack of sharing) can cause your partner to withhold their own wants and needs too.
Some examples of authentic communication that might be difficult to bring up in a typical relationship:
- “I would really like more love and connection”
- “I would like more sex”
- “I feel a little sad (or angry) because I’m not getting [some want or need] met”
- “My coworker is coming on to me and I’m having mixed feelings”
- “I am not fulfilled in this relationship and need more”
- “I’m becoming less attracted to you”
- “I am uncomfortable around you when you do that behavior”
- “I don’t like that you get so upset with me”
Any of the above could lead to a big, probably difficult conversation. But if you don’t bring up what bothers you, or talk about something you’d like to be different, and you instead start to look for these things outside your relationship, you are heading into dangerous territory.
Cheating isn’t always only about sex
A cheating person’s wants and needs can extend far beyond sex. Some people believe that the line of betrayal is crossed when a partner shares something personal (something they’d normally share with only their partner), with someone else that could be a potential partner for them if they were single.
In other words, betrayal can begin when you feel your partner is sharing what you hold sacred between the two of you with someone they could essentially date or marry if you weren’t in the picture.
A relationship can create what feels like a sacred bond that begins when you start to share intimate details about yourself with your partner. It can strengthen and become even more powerful when you become physical and share your body.
The fastest way to disintegrate your relationship is to start becoming more personal and intimate with someone that you would be attracted to if you were single.
If you have a personal connection with someone outside of your current relationship, ask yourself the following:
“Would I consider being in a relationship, or be intimate with this person if I were single?”
If the answer is yes, the risk of cheating is much higher. Also, your partner probably realizes this too so you want to make sure to keep this in mind when you are in communication with this other person.
Cheating can be absolutely devastating to your partner
Because of many of the conversations I’ve had with victims of cheating, and my own introspection of how it might feel to be cheated on, I started using the term emotional murder to describe the feeling a victim of cheating gets after learning about the affair.
When you betray your partner, they may feel like you’re ripping their heart out and throwing it on the ground in front of them. To them, you are making it clear that you don’t care about your commitment to them or their thoughts and feelings. You only care about yourself and your own needs.
Not only that, your partner will have all kinds of feelings of insecurity, trust, abandonment and other issues that often require therapy for them to sort through. The emotions they had for you and in themselves, especially the feelings of comfort and safety, have been essentially destroyed as if they were murdered. That term may sound harsh, but it is an effective metaphor to help the cheater understand just how much of an impact infidelity has on the relationship.
The cheater may not have wanted their partner to feel any of this pain, but it’s often unavoidable.
I once asked a psychotherapist what client challenge was the most difficult to work with and she told me cheating, hands down. She said that to some people, being cheated on is almost as bad as losing a child.
This was shocking to hear. After I heard that, I realized just how painful it was to go through such a betrayal. I never understood the impact cheating could have on someone until that moment.
The level of comfort and happiness in a relationship is directly related to the level of trust and safety you feel with your partner. If one partner betrays that trust, the victim can often feel as if their world just came crashing down on them.
It’s like finding out that your best, most trusted friend intentionally hurt your child. You would probably be shocked and be at a loss for words as you tried to sort out what just happened and what you’re supposed to do with this information. You may feel the same type of devastation from such a betrayal and clear breach of trust. You would likely lose faith in your friend and not be able to trust them around your children any longer.
This loss of faith is a loss of a part of the self. Victims of cheating feel as if a part of them is dead; hence, emotional murder.
Does the cheater love their partner?
I define love as a ‘supporting someone’s happiness.’ If you support your partner’s happiness, and you know that cheating on them would devastate them, then do you really love them if you cheat on them?
Doing something that you know would harm or cause much pain to your partner is not how I define love. Let me expand upon this a bit because there are people that have reached out to me and said, “You can’t tell me I don’t love my partner. I love him/her very much. I did cheat, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I felt awful after I did it.”
I’ve thought about this very heartfelt type of comment for a long time, and the only way I can reconcile that thought process is if the person telling me they love their partner defines love in a way that’s more about themselves than the other person.
In other words, if you define love as “I love the way I feel when I’m with that person” (which I might call “in love”) then you do not love the person in a way that supports them. You are only in love with the person in a way that supports you.
Again, this is my definition of love.
I believe if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. You support their path to their happiness which makes you observant of your own behavior in a way that supports them. In other words, loving someone means questioning yourself before doing anything that might be defined as betraying your partner’s happiness.
A good question to ask yourself is, “Would this behavior make my partner unhappy?”
I think when you ask yourself that question about someone you love, you end up doing things that reinforce your love for that person which helps you stay in alignment with healthy relationship values.
If you absolutely cannot control yourself and really want to betray your partner’s trust and confidence in you, I recommend a course of action that shows respects for your partner by doing on of the following:
- Express what you want, then have a discussion about it. This won’t be easy, but it will be honest.
- Separate. If you don’t want to have a conversation about it, and you still want to betray your partner, at least tell them you’d like to separate. This way you will be out of the promise of commitment while you figure out what you really want.
If you choose to stay in the relationship but not tell your partner that you’re going to betray them, remember this:
Cheaters are always caught. Always.
If not today, tomorrow, next year, or in five years, the cheater will get caught. And it won’t end well.
The cheater always gets caught. And I don’t mean red-handed with irrefutable proof. I mean, in the slightest, most minute way that the cheater may never consider.
Behavior changes almost always accompany cheating:
- The husband that starts treating his spouse better
- The wife that starts working out more and listening to rock instead of easy listening
- The boyfriend that keeps getting caught in lies
- The girlfriend that has to explain her texts or emails to her partner
- The partner that is suddenly happier and in a better mood all the time
There are legitimate reasons for all of these things, but behavioral changes like this can be a sign that something else might be going on, especially when there seems to be no other explanation for the changes.
In the end however, the cheater will be caught. They think they can cover their tracks, but it just doesn’t work out that way because the behavioral changes become prevalent. And if there’s not a behavioral change, what happens when the cheater’s new lover starts showing up more and more. Sometimes the “other woman” or “other man” wants more of the cheater’s time and they will start appearing in more phone calls, texts, and even in person.
Even the glances between the cheater and their new lover are almost impossible to hide. If the cheater isn’t found out, their change of behavior is enough to signal something is up. The cheater’s partner will sense it, and will probably follow up on it. The cheater may have to live the rest of the relationship looking over their shoulder, at least until they come clean.
Those who are caught versus those who are not
A common characteristic of a cheater that is caught is that they have cheated more than once, and sometimes with more than one person. This is often the type of cheater that got comfortable cheating and deceiving his or her partner. This type of cheater is often much harder for a partner to forgive because there was no, or not enough, guilt or shame in them to come forward and confess. Without guilt or shame, the cheater appears to not care if they are lying to their partner or not. They only seem to only care about their own happiness.
If the cheater however confesses out of guilt or shame, it may be less likely that they’ve cheated many times. It doesn’t necessarily mean they haven’t, but when guilt and shame motivate someone to confess, it usually indicates a stronger moral compass and stronger empathy for their partner.
These aren’t hard and fast rules, but they should be a consideration if you suspect your partner of cheating.
A good rule of thumb to remember is that the cheater with a conscience, empathy and compassion for their partner that regrets they hurt their partner, is much more likely to commit to the relationship and never cheat again. In other words, a cheater can learn the hard lesson of a stupid mistake and vow to never make that mistake again. This happens often and relationships have become stronger because of this.
If you’ve caught someone cheating, and they don’t feel guilty or awful because they hurt you, and they only seem to feel bad because they were caught, you are probably not in a loving relationship. If however, they do feel awful and show genuine pain, and want to rectify things with you, the relationship has a stronger chance of success. You still have to get on board with the rebuilding process, but the affair can be a thing of the past when you have two people willing to do the work.
What to Expect After the Affair if you choose to stay in the relationship
After the cheating has been discovered, I believe in full disclosure so that there is no more hiding, and the healing process can begin. Put everything on the table.
In other words, once the cheating is known, the cheater must fess up to everything.
This won’t be easy for the victim who has to learn who their partner was with and where and when it happened, but when it’s all on the table, it’s tangible and both partners can work with it.
This full disclosure process also shows that the cheater is now, from this day forward, going to be fully transparent about their activities, leaving nothing to their partners interpretation or imagination. The cheater needs to show that they will no longer deceive their partner or omit any details. Their goal should be to be crystal clear and honest about everything.
This also means that the cheater must be willing to do almost anything their partner asks of them for at least 6 months. I believe 6 months is a good period of time to go through the healing process (called the “healing period” from now on). The number of months for this healing period may vary, as it can sometimes last a year – but it should never go beyond a year. If it does, then healing isn’t taking place and one or both partners isn’t letting go of the pain of the past.
If that means the victim wants to check the cheater’s phone, log into their email, see every text, and listen to every voice mail, or even show up unexpectedly at the cheater’s work, then a remorseful cheater who wants to repair the damage will comply no questions asked.
A remorseful cheater will live in a glass house where their partner can see everything going on in their life.
This is their retribution and rectification for committing “emotional murder”. The cheater must willingly and voluntarily live under the scrutinous eye of their partner until they can learn to gain trust in them again. And, the cheater must be willing to accept their partner’s anger and upset about the cheating for the entire healing period (again, 6 months to a year).
In other words, if you’re a cheater and it’s been a month since the affair, and you think your partner should “Get over it already”, don’t be surprised when they don’t. The cheater’s partner experienced the ultimate betrayal. Their trust and feelings of safety and security have been thrown out the window by the very person they were supposed to have the most trust and feelings of safety with.
When the cheater is getting yelled at and told how much damage they’ve caused, it’s my belief the cheater should sit there quietly and take it. If the cheater doesn’t give their partner the freedom to do that during the healing period, the relationship could bypass the healing process and make it difficult for both partners to regain any sense of happiness.
I do believe it’s okay for the cheater to be made to feel guilty for a while. The cheater may already feel guilty without their partner’s help, but if the partner wants to make them feel worse, it may be what’s needed for both the victim to get things off their chest, and the cheater to experience pain (which is often what the victim wants the cheater to experience).
The cheater crushed their partner’s heart and now the cheater has to endure some pain because of it. It sounds harsh, but the victim needs to direct their pain at the cheater in hopes the cheater gets the point. And unless you’ve ever been cheated on, you may not realize just how much pain a cheater can cause their partner.
Again, the cheater is not necessarily a bad person because they cheated, but they did do bad behavior.
They may be a bad person because of other things they’ve done or do in their life, but I’m only talking about the behavior of betrayal and cheating.
If you’ve ever had an affair, you are not bad or unworthy. You did the deed and there’s nothing you can do to change the past. But going forward, if you’re committed to making things right, and never cheating again, I want you to have the healthiest, happiest relationship you can have.
You do deserve to be happy and in a loving relationship. And you don’t have to hold on to guilt for the rest of your life. Former cheaters that vow to never cheat again should be allowed to get past their mistakes and experience love and happiness again.
But both partners have to realize that the residual of cheating could last years. If you’ve been cheated on and are unable to fully get over it and heal, and your partner isn’t displaying any signs of remorse or wanting to be completely transparent with you and willing to take their punishment, healing cannot happen.
A relationship that hasn’t reached a stage of healing where the victim has less anger and fear and the cheater has less guilt and shame has minimal chance of survival. Anger and upset will likely permeate the relationship to be re-triggered time and time again, keeping the healing from taking place.
These emotional triggers are very much indicators that trust has not been re-established and the victim does not feel safe enough to let their guard down. If you can’t let your guard down, you can’t let the full experience of love and happiness in. And you will never feel secure enough in the relationship to be authentically you.
The cheating partner may need to learn how to make their partner a priority above almost everything else. This could mean quitting their job because they work with the person they hooked up with. It could mean choosing different friends. It may also mean they get tracking software on their phone so their partner knows where they are at all times. It doesn’t have to stay this way, but taking big, life-changing steps like shows that the cheater is serious and that they are committed 100% to taking full accountability and healing the relationship.
This doesn’t mean I’m advising you do this, but big steps in the direction toward the relationship and away from what influenced the cheating in the first place goes a long way in the victim’s heart. Some of these major changes may not be possible, but keep in mind a remorseful cheater who wants to repair the damage s/he’s done is willing to make sacrifices in other areas of life to prove they want this above all else.
Again this may not be the path the cheater needs to take but it shows that when there’s that level of commitment, where the cheater is willing to do anything to save the relationship, that is a bonus to healing and regaining trust.
The last thing to expect after the affair, if you choose to stay in the relationship, is that the cheater (if they are doing almost all of the above steps), must be allowed to let go of the guilt and be released from any emotional prison they or their partner set them up in.
Yes, the cheater does get reprieve after months of accountability. However, like I mentioned earlier, the healing period can take up to a year. Hopefully during that time, there is more leniency after each month because the cheater should now be being completely open and honest about what’s going on in their life. When the cheater is willing to do whatever is required to show that they are completely dedicated to their partner and the relationship and have learned greatly from their mistakes, the cheater should eventually be treated as a trusted, loving partner who would never want to risk their relationship ever again.
This means the partner of a cheater must get into the space of loving and trusting their partner more and more to the point where the mistakes of the past aren’t seen as omens for the future but as a reminder of the lack of communication they once had. Continuing to express and share with each other is what keeps the relationship strong and secure because the truth is always laid out before you. You can work with truth. You can’t work with silence or lies.
Again, during and especially after the healing period, the victim’s anger has to dissipate and the cheater’s guilt has to wane. I’ve seen some relationships experience years of unhappiness and upset because one or both partners could not get beyond the negativity of that time in their life.
Though there will be emotional triggers that happen from time to time after the healing period, they should become less and less prevalent to the point where they do not interfere with love and connection any longer. It could take years for old triggers to be discovered and processed, as one could pop up at any moment. But just know that triggers are a normal function of healing.
An example of an emotional trigger might be when the victim of cheating notices their partner check their phone and put it away quickly. Though their partner may not have had cheating on their mind, the victim might have a sudden PTSD response of fear and think that the cheating is happening all over again. This response is normal but should be brought up and talked about in the relationship or with a friend or professional so that nothing is left buried or repressed.
Healing from cheating isn’t easy. In fact, it could be the toughest thing both partners ever have to go through. However, when the relationship survives the affair, it can be stronger and more intimate than ever. The reason is because, in the best case scenario, the cheater has come clean and is more honest than he or she ever was before. Because of this, the relationship gets built on a new foundation of honesty, trust and respect.
Also, guilt can be a huge motivator for change.
When the cheater feels guilt or shame for letting their partner down and especially breaking the trust between them, they can often change their life entirely to show that they are no longer that person and will never be “that” person again.
When the cheater continues to make their partner their priority instead of falling into an old pattern of selfish behavior, they are meeting the criteria to facilitate healing in the best way possible.
Healing from cheating is possible
As I’ve stated, it’s my opinion that the cheater does need to suffer for some time after they’ve betrayed their partner. But when that suffering goes on for too long, the cheater is allowed to forgive themselves and move into a new space of no guilt and less or no more emotional pain.
After the healing period, the former cheater needs to be released from their suffering so that both partners can rebuild the relationship from a healthy space – starting with a more honest foundation built of full transparency and integrity.
If the cheater continues to carry guilt and continues to face the wrath of their partner’s hurt and anger after a year or so, the relationship cannot rebuild and get off the ground again. The cheater needs to forgive themselves, accept that they made the mistake, and move forward closing the past behind them but never forgetting what happened.
The punishment the cheater suffers from their partner and their own guilt can be a good reminder of what could happen if they ever consider going down that road again. And of course the cheater needs to know that their partner will probably experience a lot of moments of upset, anger, confusion, and resentment during the healing process and that this may happen often.
In order for a relationship to survive and even thrive after cheating, the former cheater must process and let go of the negative emotions, and the cheater’s partner must let them. If the victim cannot get past the pain and continues to bring up the past and become upset after the healing period is over, they may want to consider leaving the relationship or at least seek professional help.
I’ve met with couples where one cheated and the other was still angry and hurt even though it happened many years ago. This is common and keeps the pain in a relationship alive.
I get it.
Discovering your partner has cheated is extremely painful and it can feel nearly impossible let go of what happened. That “emotional murder” had an impact, but the pain and anger doesn’t have to last forever.
After the healing period is over, the cheater needs to be able to get into the space of “I messed up, I apologized, and I’m ready to move on.” But if their partner wants them to continue apologizing and continue feeling bad for what they did years later, the relationship is not going to go anywhere. And it will be miserable for both partners. It could even lead to another affair because no one wants to be in an unhappy relationship for that long.
When the cheater comes from a place of “I messed up, I’ll never do it again, and I’m ready to move on”, this is a good thing! After the healing period is over, they should be given the space to move on. They already know the damage they caused so the trust has to be rebuilt. It does take time, but that time is finite – as it should be. Again, I’m only referring to cheaters who absolutely believe they made a mistake and know they would never do anything like this again. They are the ones that are usually riddled with guilt and pain for what they did, and feel awful they did that to the person they loved.
If you are a victim of cheating and are with a partner who is not willing to do anything it takes to keep the relationship and doesn’t seem to show remorse, and wants you to get over it quickly, I highly recommend you be very careful about continuing a relationship with this person.
For the relationship that has the right criteria for healing, healing is very possible. Though, many people get stuck on the forgiveness part of healing. They think that by forgiving, they are letting go of their power and letting the other person win.
To an extent, I actually agree with this. Another angle of forgiveness however has to do with releasing yourself from misery, not them. My article on forgiveness explains that concept more. However, when the cheater asks for forgiveness and you’re not in the space to forgive, it’s okay!
In the article I mention above, I talk about how when you apologize for something and really mean it, you only have to say it once. However, apologizing once doesn’t work for infidelity.
During the healing period, the infidel may have to apologize as needed over and over again. This is because there is a lot for the victim to process. And because the victim may actually want the cheater to be in a place of guilt, remorse, shame and pain. They may want the cheater to get a taste of what they did to them.
After the healing period however, the cheater should be allowed to stop apologizing so that they and the relationship can move forward. This is where you can choose to forgive the cheater or not. You don’t have to, but you have the choice to.
I look at forgiveness as for-giving yourself a break because of the choices you made back then. By giving yourself a break for being duped or conned or falling for the cheater’s lies, you will be able to move forward from the pain.
Even the cheater needs to for-give themselves a break for being the person they were back then. They may have to experience the accountability and a bit of discipline and punishment, but eventually forgiveness of self needs to take place.
A year of punishment and making up for their emotional crime is a good deal of time to come to a new place and become a new person that deserves a fresh start. This isn’t letting the cheater get away with their betrayal, it’s just allowing them to move forward after acknowledging and having been held accountable for their bad behavior. Unlike real murder, emotional murder can and does allow for healing of the very heart that was damaged. It’s not easy, but it is possible.
If you are or were the cheater, know that your partner will put you to the test over and over again. You will have to pass that test, not once, not 10 times, but as many times as your partner wants to administer it. These may be your trials. Passing these trials can be very rewarding when the healing period is over.
But know there is also an end to the testing. It cannot go on indefinitely, otherwise you are not on a path to reconciliation and healing. When the testing doesn’t go away, you are on a never ending road of heartache and pain.
If you are or were the victim of cheating, know that you will be hit with pain and anger time and time again. You will feel confusion. You will experience resentment. You will want to retaliate. You may want your partner to feel awful just to give them a taste of what you’re going through.
You have every right to feel this way. This is part of the process of both releasing and healing.
Is there hope for the relationship that has experienced infidelity?
The most important thing to take away from this article is that when the cheater never lets go of the guilt, and the victim never lets go of the anger, there is no healing, only pain. The healing period allows for anger, pain, resentment, guilt, shame and more. But after that, if both partners want the relationship, both partners need to put their focus on the future, not the past.
Cheating can be the end of the relationship. But when it isn’t, and the cheater is truly remorseful and really means what they say when they tell you it will never happen again, the relationship has a chance. That’s if both partners are willing to go through the trials and eventually get past the pain so they can start fresh, and build something even better and stronger than ever.
I want you to have the best relationship possible without pain and with love, trust, respect, and even admiration for each other. If you are dealing with infidelity at this very moment, and you’re still in one of the stages I talk about above (and it’s been years since the affair) it’s time to start thinking of a new plan for your relationship and your life.
There can be a new beginning together or a new journey apart. Either way, don’t let the relationship stew in the pain and anger for too much longer because you will both miss out on many happy years that could be.
Only you know if you want to make the relationship work, so if you do, get real clear and get real serious about doing just that. Give each other the healing and attention you both need to move on. You may need to start over as if you were two different people meeting for the first time. This could be the new beginning you need.
When you’re able to start fresh without bringing your painful history into the mix, you can start to focus on the kind of future you want to make instead of the pain of past mistakes.
If you are looking for more specific steps to healing in the aftermath of an affair, be sure to read my article titled: Surviving Infidelity – An Overlooked Warning Sign and Healing After Cheating.