What do you do when you have to face a challenge that you believe you’re prepared for, but fail instead?
The feelings of failure can be debilitating, especially when you’ve spent a lot of time and energy working on self-improvement. It can feel like you’ve taken 10 steps backward. Learning comes with the challenge of applying what you’ve learned, so expect challenges to be just more than you think you’re prepared for.
When you have the tools, the challenge will come.
I believed I knew how to honor my boundaries until that belief was tested with the perfect person. When you believe you’ve grown, that belief will be challenged.
Always move forward, learn about yourself, and work on your self-improvement so that you will be as prepared as you can be.
In segment two of this episode, I address the people-pleaser’s role in becoming emotionally abused. People-pleasers often have a big heart, compassion, and generosity, and are often kind and caring which opens them up to abusive people, unfortunately. If you’re kind and compassionate but made to feel guilty by your partner often, you’re probably in an emotionally abusive relationship.
There are many signs of emotional abuse including trusting yourself less and less. If your partner is emotionally detached, or you feel like you’re going crazy, this segment is for you; especially if you can’t pinpoint why you feel the way you do.
Manipulators are crafty and adept. They don’t want to feel pain, guilt, or take responsibility so they push all of it on to you. If you want to learn if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, check out the Emotional Abuse worksheet. Use that worksheet to learn exactly where you are on the spectrum and what you can do about it. Emotional abuse is a silent abuse that can often go on for months or years before the victim gets so worn out that they leave the relationship as a shell of their former self.
Don’t let that be you! Check out the worksheet so that you can pinpoint just what might be going on in your relationship.
In segment three, I read a letter from a young man who is depressed and has no motivation to do anything. His emotions are out of control and he is in a constant struggle. On top of all of that, he’s afraid to get help! He’s never talked about his feelings to anyone, ever. All the solutions he’s looked for online talk about getting a goal and using his willpower, which he found completely useless.
The first step to getting past what you can’t let go of is to express yourself any way possible, whether it’s with a friend or loved one, or even to yourself through writing or visualization (i.e. imagining the person you want to express yourself to is standing in front of you).
Once you get those repressed negative emotions off your chest, it can free you a bit to start the healing process.
During the close of the show, I talk about what you can do to appreciate your body and what it does for you. Sometimes it takes suffering through pain to appreciate what works!