The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People

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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
Episode play icon
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
August 14, 2016
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In this episode, I talk a little more about manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place.

Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you’re not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode.

And, what if you do a bunch of healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn’t want to change? In fact, what if they’re happy exactly the way they are, dysfunction and all? Accountability may be the only course of action.

In the last segment, I talk about someone who worked hard on their relationship for two years. Their partner finally grows into the person they wanted them to be, but are they still in love? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question.

How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That’s an important topic to discuss, so let’s dive into that too.

Click here for the six reasons you may feel guilty for leaving an emotionally abusive partner.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Guilt, Human Potential, Manipulation, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Guilt About Leaving the Marriage, More Manipulative People, My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late?

Is It Too Late To Save The Relationship?

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learn heal climb out of dysfunction marriage

You made it. The conditions were rough yet you still accomplished what seemed like an impossible climb out of your own dysfunction in your relationship.

You went through all the healing, growing, learning, and evolving you could, and may have even given your partner the ultimatum to shape up or ship out so that your relationship had no choice but to shift into something new or fall apart completely.

You’ll never go back to the way it was. Is the relationship now “saved”?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Codependency, Divorce, enabling, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Relationships Tagged With: end of the relationship, growth, healing, how to know it's over, is my relationship doomed to fail?, marriage

Focus on Yourself in Relationship Problems

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I often work with clients who’ve been to couple’s therapy but are still stuck where they are in the relationship. In fact, most of the time one partner is “fine” while the other is not. I’ve often found that the one who is not fine is also the one who is trying harder to save the relationship.

Sometimes I am puzzled when I see that the “fine” partner doesn’t see anything wrong, and points the finger at the other person.

“She’s the one with the problem!” or
“He’s the one that gets upset!“

If comments like that have ever come out of your partner’s mouth during a therapy session, then you are most likely in a troubling situation.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Divorce, Marriage, Passion, Relationships Tagged With: couples counseling, marriage, relationship, therapy

The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People

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The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
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The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
August 7, 2016
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Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your tolerance for bad behavior is so high that you don’t even recognize what’s bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me!

Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types, and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. I talk about that and more in today’s episode.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Human Potential, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Offending Defensive People, The Dysfunction of The New Normal

Life’s Too Short to Be Anyone But Yourself

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Why would anyone want to be disconnected from their emotions?

Because they believe they won’t experience pain. Of course, that also means they won’t experience pleasure (for the most part) either. The resistance of some emotions typically means the prevention of both the good and bad. But then what? What kind of life are you living where you feel very little at all?

When I was in my first long-term relationship, during the last couple of years I found out it was a lot easier to be analytical and calculating than it was to show my anger or fear. That’s because my girlfriend was falling out of love with me and I had thoughts and feelings about her that I chose not to share. If I shared them, I believed she might get mad and leave me. But in reality, she was on the way out anyway.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Behavior, Emotional Withdrawal, Negative Emotions, Neglect, Rejection, Relationships Tagged With: authenticity, expression, Hard to express my emotions, true self

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