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Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Dealing with selfish people that don’t care if they hurt you

Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
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Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
February 9, 2020

When you are interacting with people that only want what they want, regardless of how it affects you, you’re in for a very dysfunctional, and possibly emotionally harmful situation.

It’s important to know your line and know when people cross it, then honor that line so that you don’t lose a bit of yourself.

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Filed Under: Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Empathy, Family, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Negative Emotions, Neglect, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Selfishness Tagged With: narcissistic abuse, so selfish, why are people selfish?

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment
The Silent Treatment
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The Silent Treatment
October 28, 2018

Silence is golden until it isn’t. In a relationship, it can be a slow death.

It’s vital to understand just how damaging withdrawing love and attention can be to a relationship. Over time, with continuing neglect, love can dissolve to the point where there’s no going back.

In this episode, I talk about the three main levels of silent treatment:

1. Processing time to figure out what you’re going to do with what you just learned.

2. Cool-own time as a way to regulate what might normally be a heightened response

3. How to make someone you care about feel bad. I’ll give you one guess what that is.

Filed Under: Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Emotional Withdrawal, Marriage, Neglect, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: He withdraws love and affection, She is giving me the silent treatment

When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools

When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
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When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
August 5, 2018

Your level of function or dysfunction as an adult is almost always determined by the most unhealthy or toxic people in your family growing up.

When you are raised by those who didn’t or couldn’t love and support you as you deserved, you may have developed “broken” tools to deal with situations as an adult. When your emotional toolbox has a bunch of broken tools, you may keep getting the results you don’t want, causing you to stay unhappy.

In this episode, I help you identify those broken tools and what you can do to start utilizing them the right way, or even fixing them altogether.

Filed Under: abuse, Ask Paul, Behavior, Beliefs, childhood, Codependency, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, Family, Healing, Healthy Thinking, Manipulation, Narcissism, Neglect, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: don't know how to heal, dysfunctional childhood, No means to heal

The Importance of Self-Nurturing Behavior

How many times have you broken up or got dumped in your life? And how many times was it a piece of cake?

The end of a relationship is rarely easy. It’s possible things could go smoothly, but it doesn’t usually happen. However, how much it hurts may have a lot to do with how much you nurture yourself before a breakup happens.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Behavior, childhood, Compassion, Neglect, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: I experienced neglect as a child, Nurture yourself, self-compassion, self-love

Life’s Too Short to Be Anyone But Yourself

Why would anyone want to be disconnected from their emotions?

Because they believe they won’t experience pain. Of course, that also means they won’t experience pleasure (for the most part) either. The resistance of some emotions typically means the prevention of both the good and bad. But then what? What kind of life are you living where you feel very little at all?

When I was in my first long-term relationship, during the last couple of years I found out it was a lot easier to be analytical and calculating than it was to show my anger or fear. That’s because my girlfriend was falling out of love with me and I had thoughts and feelings about her that I chose not to share. If I shared them, I believed she might get mad and leave me. But in reality, she was on the way out anyway.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Behavior, Emotional Withdrawal, Negative Emotions, Neglect, Rejection, Relationships Tagged With: authenticity, expression, Hard to express my emotions, true self

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