The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships

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When you don’t know who you are

When you don't know who you are
When you don't know who you are
Episode play icon
When you don't know who you are
September 13, 2020

Have you ever really learned who you are at a deeper level? Sometimes we walk around doing the things we’re supposed to do, but rarely stop to figure out who is doing those things.

In this episode, I read an email from a woman who never got a chance to learn who she is because of narcissistic parents telling her who she is all her life. Now that she’s a wife and mom, she feels lost.

If you’re lost, it’s time to find yourself. 

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Decisions, Family, Identity, Narcissism, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Therapy, Toxic Behavior, Toxic People Tagged With: The meaning of my existence, Trying to figure out who I am, What is the point of existing?

My Healing Journey from Being an Emotional Abuser

Emotional abuse is the ultimate brainwashing technique. It hides in the form of feigned helpfulness, generosity, compassion, and love. The perpetrator knows how to appear kind and caring while intertwining abusive behavior, causing their victim to become powerless.

Emotional abuse is a method of controlling, manipulating, belittling, and invalidating a person over time. It is often hard to spot in the moment as it can be seen as benign or even “normal” to most observers. But as this behavior is repeated time and time again, the insidious compound effect of this form of covert abuse causes its victims to lose confidence in themselves, stop trusting in their own decisions, feel devalued and unimportant, and blame themselves for being the cause of, and sometimes even deserving, of the abusive behavior.

(after you read this article, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast for more on emotional abuse and manipulation in relationships) [Read more…]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Blog article, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, Emotional Withdrawal, Empathy, Judgment, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Relationships, Toxic Behavior, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: Can the emotional abuser be fixed?, Can the emotional abuser change?, Can the emotional abuser heal?, I am the emotional abuser, Is it possible for abusive people to change?

Dealing with selfish people that don’t care if they hurt you

Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
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Those selfish people that don't care if you're hurt by their behavior
February 9, 2020

When you are interacting with people that only want what they want, regardless of how it affects you, you’re in for a very dysfunctional, and possibly emotionally harmful situation.

It’s important to know your line and know when people cross it, then honor that line so that you don’t lose a bit of yourself.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Empathy, Family, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Negative Emotions, Neglect, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Selfishness Tagged With: narcissistic abuse, so selfish, why are people selfish?

“I am not the cause of the problem, you are!”

Have you ever tried to tell someone they were doing something you don’t like, or that they were just outright wrong, but they turned it around on you and put you on the defense?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, Ask Paul, Emotional Abuse, Family, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Relationships Tagged With: defending yourself all the time, My partner thinks I'm the cause of all our problems, narcissistic abuse

Is it ever okay to release toxic family?

I received an email from someone who was very angry with me. She said “You should be ashamed of yourself for teaching that it is okay to break ties with family!“

She was referencing an episode I did on toxic family members and how I said if they are too toxic to be around that it’s okay to part ways with them.  [Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, anger, Codependency, Control, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, enabling, Family, Narcissism, Personal Boundaries, Relationships, Toxic Behavior, Toxic People Tagged With: Is it ever okay to release toxic family?, letting go of toxic family, Releasing toxic family members

When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools

When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
Episode play icon
When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
August 5, 2018

Your level of function or dysfunction as an adult is almost always determined by the most unhealthy or toxic people in your family growing up.

When you are raised by those who didn’t or couldn’t love and support you as you deserved, you may have developed “broken” tools to deal with situations as an adult. When your emotional toolbox has a bunch of broken tools, you may keep getting the results you don’t want, causing you to stay unhappy.

In this episode, I help you identify those broken tools and what you can do to start utilizing them the right way, or even fixing them altogether.

Filed Under: abuse, Ask Paul, Behavior, Beliefs, childhood, Codependency, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, Family, Healing, Healthy Thinking, Manipulation, Narcissism, Neglect, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: don't know how to heal, dysfunctional childhood, No means to heal

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