The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships

The pain you sometimes need to go through to increase your quality of life

The level of happiness and fulfillment you feel on a day to day basis can change based on many factors. One of those factors has to do with the ability to make hard decisions that may involve big changes that you’re not ready to face.

The fear and pain associated with change can often prevent us from doing what we need to do to increase our quality of life.

However, sometimes the lesson is that in order to reach a higher level of satisfaction in life, it might involve scary steps you don’t want to take. 

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When you don’t know who you are

Have you ever really learned who you are at a deeper level? Sometimes we walk around doing the things we’re supposed to do, but rarely stop to figure out who is doing those things.

In this episode, I read an email from a woman who never got a chance to learn who she is because of narcissistic parents telling her who she is all her life. Now that she’s a wife and mom, she feels lost.

If you’re lost, it’s time to find yourself. 

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Email grab bag: Getting ghosted while dating and when you have trouble forgiving someone who wronged you

The first segment is about a young woman who keeps getting “ghosted” by her dates. It’s starting to impact her self-esteem and she’s wondering if she’ll ever find a life partner.

In the second segment, I reply to someone who wants to hate those who’ve wronged her, but her spirituality says it’s better to forgive.

Is it?

Sounds like a great subject to talk about. [Read more…]

The Dramatic Victim Doesn’t Want Change

Have you ever met someone who complained about their circumstances but wasn’t willing to do anything to change them?  

In fact, if you were to suggest a possible solution to them, they would come up with an excuse or valid sounding reason on why your suggestion wouldn’t work. And the more you tried to help, the more flaws they’d find in your logic. 

The hard truth is that some people don’t want to change nor do they want others around them to help them change. People like this refuse to acknowledge the role they play in their misery and often blame others for their suffering. 

If you are intertwined with someone like this, you might have to be careful that you are not helping to enable this behavior. This type of person may find comfort in your attention to their misery. And as long as they are getting their needs met, they may not mind if you become miserable along with them as you try to help them.

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My Healing Journey from Being an Emotional Abuser

Emotional abuse is the ultimate brainwashing technique. It hides in the form of feigned helpfulness, generosity, compassion, and love. The perpetrator knows how to appear kind and caring while intertwining abusive behavior, causing their victim to become powerless.

Emotional abuse is a method of controlling, manipulating, belittling, and invalidating a person over time. It is often hard to spot in the moment as it can be seen as benign or even “normal” to most observers. But as this behavior is repeated time and time again, the insidious compound effect of this form of covert abuse causes its victims to lose confidence in themselves, stop trusting in their own decisions, feel devalued and unimportant, and blame themselves for being the cause of, and sometimes even deserving, of the abusive behavior.

(after you read this article, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast for more on emotional abuse and manipulation in relationships) [Read more…]