Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers
The first segment is about a young woman who keeps getting “ghosted” by her dates. It’s starting to impact her self-esteem and she’s wondering if she’ll ever find a life partner.
In the second segment, I reply to someone who wants to hate those who’ve wronged her, but her spirituality says it’s better to forgive.
Is it?
Sounds like a great subject to talk about. [Read more…]
When you get a second chance at a job, relationship, or anything that you wanted a do-over on, what’s the best way to show up?
Do you try to impress and show others how much you’ve changed? Or does that actually work against you?
Have you ever met someone who complained about their circumstances but wasn’t willing to do anything to change them?
In fact, if you were to suggest a possible solution to them, they would come up with an excuse or valid-sounding reason for why your suggestion wouldn’t work. And the more you tried to help, the more flaws they’d find in your logic.
The hard truth is that some people don’t want to change, nor do they want others around them to help them change. People like this refuse to acknowledge the role they play in their misery and often blame others for their suffering.
If you are intertwined with someone like this, you might have to be careful that you are not helping to enable this behavior. This type of person may find comfort in your attention to their misery. And as long as they are getting their needs met, they may not mind if you become miserable along with them as you try to help them.
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Emotional abuse is the ultimate brainwashing technique. It often hides in the form of feigned helplessness, generosity, compassion, and love. The perpetrator knows how to appear kind and caring while intertwining abusive behavior, causing the person on the receiving end to become powerless.
Emotional abuse is a method of controlling, manipulating, belittling, and invalidating a person over time. It is often hard to spot in the moment as it can be seen as benign or even “normal” to most observers.
But as this behavior is repeated time and time again, the insidious compound effect of this form of hidden abuse causes its victims to lose confidence in themselves, stop trusting in their own decisions, feel devalued and unimportant, and blame themselves for being the cause of, and sometimes even deserving, of the abusive behavior.
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If you find yourself people-pleasing for love, attention, or fear of confrontation, then this article is for you.
As a former people-pleaser, I’ve learned exactly what it takes to become proficient at it. I’ve gained much wisdom since growing out of that phase of my life, so I thought I’d share with you my tips on how to become the best people-pleaser possible.
Of course, if you are already a people-pleaser, you may gain some extra skills by reading this article.
This article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek but also contains an important reminder about how people-pleasing almost always leads to unhappiness.
Are you ready? Here are the eight steps to becoming the ultimate people-pleaser:
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