The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Some people don’t want you to be yourself

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Some people don't want you to be yourself
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Repeat after me:

“Your jealousy is not my problem.”
“Your insecurities are not my problem.”
“Your dysfunctions are not my problem.”
“Your inability to accept me as I am is not my problem.”

These are bold statements, I realize. But some of us, somewhere along the way, have learned to shrink ourselves to make others more comfortable. We learned to change who we are to fit someone else’s expectations.

And in doing so, we lost something essential: ourselves.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Codependency, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Intelligence, Personal Boundaries, Relationships, Self-Worth Tagged With: I am exhausted from trying to fit their expectations, I feel like I have to change myself to be loved, My partner cannot accept who I really am, They want me to be someone I am not

Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you

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Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you
Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you
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Getting comfortable letting go of what no longer serves you
April 5, 2020
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Can you get back up after a big fall? If you’re struggling to do so, your foundation may not be as stable as you’d hoped.

The components that make up your life: Your job, your family, your home, the city you live in, your car, etc, all have some sort of meaning or value to you. When you start to let go that which no longer serves you, you start to free yourself from the toxic components.

What do you value and what gives you heartburn every time you think about it? Sometimes removing one small thing from your life can make a big change.

Filed Under: Behavior, Beliefs, Codependency, Control, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Family, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: Am I holding on for too long?, How can I let the past go?, Should I let things go or hold on to them?

Should you be more tolerant of bad behavior when they can’t control themselves?

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Should you be more tolerant of bad behavior when they can’t control themselves?
Should you be more tolerant of bad behavior when they can’t control themselves?
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Should you be more tolerant of bad behavior when they can’t control themselves?
July 25, 2021
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Sometimes we can’t help ourselves. Anger can come out of the blue and suddenly, we’re hurting someone we care about. 

I received an email from someone who believes that sometimes you need people in your life to understand that you are going to get upset now and again, and they should be empathetic for your inability to control it. They have ADHD and have a challenge controlling the emotions that come up. 

What is the solution? Should those you love be more tolerant of hurtful behavior or should they put you in your place, telling you to stop or else?

Filed Under: anger, Codependency, Control, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: How much bad behavior can I tolerate?, How tolerant of bad behavior should I be?, Other people make my problem their problem

When tiny compromises lead to resentments

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When tiny compromises lead to resentments
When tiny compromises lead to resentments
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When tiny compromises lead to resentments
March 3, 2019
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Do you make small compromises with the people you love so that they will like or love you more?

There are two ways to compromise:

One has attached resentments, the other doesn’t.

I’ll give you one guess which method of compromise works better for the relationships in your life.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, Codependency, Dysfunction, Emotional Triggers, Emotional Withdrawal, Intimacy, Loneliness, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: building resentment in your relationship, Compromising for others, When tiny compromises lead to resentments

Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction

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Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
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Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
April 7, 2019
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If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating?

Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally “see the light”?

In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you… not for others, but for yourself.

Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others without the drain on you.

To make sure your compassion doesn’t kill you in your relationships, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast. 

Filed Under: anxiety, Codependency, Compassion, Depression, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, enabling, Family, People Pleaser, Personal Boundaries, Relationships, rescuer, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: compassion for others, is your compassion killing you?

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