The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

Do You Invest Too Much Into Your Relationship?

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I received an email from someone who is still obsessed over his ex even though they broke up long ago. Not in a “stalkerish” kind of way, but in a “I’m hurt and can’t stop thinking about her” kind of way. He cries almost daily and can’t get over the loss. According to him, she was everything he wanted in a girl.

He invested his time, energy, and emotions into the relationship, and even though it seemed to be going well, she decided to emotionally close off from him.

Eventually, they split. Since then, he has been unhappy. 

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Acceptance and Grieving the Breakup

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One of the hardest life events to get over is a breakup or loss of someone we love.

When my wife left me, I was devastated. I was completely in shock and had no idea what to do. I actually fell to the floor and cried like a baby. That’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m willing to bet you understand what that’s like.

I felt truly loved and cherished by her. She was someone who finally understood me and loved me unconditionally, and I was losing her. I was angry and sad, and felt like I was being abandoned.

I was in a state of complete hopelessness.

I also came to the conclusion that she didn’t believe in marriage like I did. After all, how could she throw it all away? Why wouldn’t she work harder at this? In my head, I asked her, “Isn’t marriage important to you?” [Read more…]

You Are Not Alone in Your Challenges But May Feel Alone in Your Relationship

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You Are Not Alone in Your Challenges But May Feel Alone in Your Relationship
You Are Not Alone in Your Challenges But May Feel Alone in Your Relationship
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You Are Not Alone in Your Challenges But May Feel Alone in Your Relationship
April 17, 2016

Have you ever felt alone in your struggles? Just when you thought you were the only person experiencing what you’re going through, it’s hard to imagine anyone else dealing with the same thing. Yet, there are many. And I receive a lot of messages from people that reinforce that. How does that help you? There might be something bigger at play here.

Also, I talk about a message I received from someone who feels very alone in her relationship. Her partner just doesn’t seem to want to include her in any future plans he has for himself, and only himself. He says he loves her and wants to be with her, but his actions and behavior prove otherwise. Much to talk about today.

Saying “No” To Someone Reveals Their True Nature

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What kind of response do you get when you need to honor yourself with someone by saying “no” to them? I had to do this once with a business partner, and it was one of the hardest things to do.

It wasn’t just a “No, I can’t help you”, it was a, “Hey, I know we’ve been planning a project together for over a month and a half now, and I know we’re going to have a conference call about it on Sunday, but I need to bow out now. I realize I’m fifty percent of the project, and that without me, you really won’t be able to finish it, at least in a short amount of time, but I have to back out.”

I’ll tell you, it was hard to click send on that email. It was an email instead of a phone call because I really wanted to word my message so it conveyed all my thoughts without interruption.

In a live call or conversation, you could say one word and the entire conversation could go into an emotional spiral. Tempers can flare and your message may never get heard. The only thing that might be conveyed is that you are abandoning them. [Read more…]