The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

What Makes One Cheat When Their Relationship Is Great?

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Why would you cheat if you’re in love and have a great sex life? It’s not like sex is missing from your life, so what’s the point of going outside the relationship for it?

Sure, perhaps a new body, a new experience, and even newfound pleasures sound appealing, but are those enough to risk flushing your current relationship down the toilet?

I recently received a letter from a woman who cheated on her husband. However, she told me there was nothing wrong in her current relationship. They were madly in love and their sex life was amazing. But, she cheated anyway. Shortly after, she felt awful about it and fessed up to him.

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Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated

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Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
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Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
August 21, 2016

Should you receive something in return for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking.

You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you’d like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people-pleaser.

Also, I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can’t make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences?

Finally, I talk about a woman who is deeply in love with her husband and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can’t figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity.

My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People

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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
August 14, 2016

In this episode, I talk a little more about manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place.

Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you’re not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode.

And, what if you do a bunch of healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn’t want to change? In fact, what if they’re happy exactly the way they are, dysfunction and all? Accountability may be the only course of action.

In the last segment, I talk about someone who worked hard on their relationship for two years. Their partner finally grows into the person they wanted them to be, but are they still in love? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question.

How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That’s an important topic to discuss, so let’s dive into that too.

Click here for the six reasons you may feel guilty for leaving an emotionally abusive partner.

Is It Too Late To Save The Relationship?

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learn heal climb out of dysfunction marriage

You made it. The conditions were rough yet you still accomplished what seemed like an impossible climb out of your own dysfunction in your relationship.

You went through all the healing, growing, learning, and evolving you could, and may have even given your partner the ultimatum to shape up or ship out so that your relationship had no choice but to shift into something new or fall apart completely.

You’ll never go back to the way it was. Is the relationship now “saved”?

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Focus on Yourself in Relationship Problems

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I often work with clients who’ve been to couple’s therapy but are still stuck where they are in the relationship. In fact, most of the time one partner is “fine” while the other is not. I’ve often found that the one who is not fine is also the one who is trying harder to save the relationship.

Sometimes I am puzzled when I see that the “fine” partner doesn’t see anything wrong, and points the finger at the other person.

“She’s the one with the problem!” or
“He’s the one that gets upset!“

If comments like that have ever come out of your partner’s mouth during a therapy session, then you are most likely in a troubling situation.

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