Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers
You made it. The conditions were rough yet you still accomplished what seemed like an impossible climb out of your own dysfunction in your relationship.
You went through all the healing, growing, learning, and evolving you could, and may have even given your partner the ultimatum to shape up or ship out so that your relationship had no choice but to shift into something new or fall apart completely.
You’ll never go back to the way it was. Is the relationship now “saved”?
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I often work with clients who’ve been to couple’s therapy but are still stuck where they are in the relationship. In fact, most of the time one partner is “fine” while the other is not. I’ve often found that the one who is not fine is also the one who is trying harder to save the relationship.
Sometimes I am puzzled when I see that the “fine” partner doesn’t see anything wrong, and points the finger at the other person.
“She’s the one with the problem!” or
“He’s the one that gets upset!“
If comments like that have ever come out of your partner’s mouth during a therapy session, then you are most likely in a troubling situation.
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Vulnerability is the final step toward your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt, embarrassment, and sadness, but also your joy, happiness, peace, and a lot of other good feelings too.
In childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we’ve been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right.
Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn’t want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she’s not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision.
Finally, I read a second email from a 24-year-old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!
One of the hardest life events to get over is a breakup or loss of someone we love.
When my wife left me, I was devastated. I was completely in shock and had no idea what to do. I actually fell to the floor and cried like a baby. That’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m willing to bet you understand what that’s like.
I felt truly loved and cherished by her. She was someone who finally understood me and loved me unconditionally, and I was losing her. I was angry and sad, and felt like I was being abandoned.
I was in a state of complete hopelessness.
I also came to the conclusion that she didn’t believe in marriage like I did. After all, how could she throw it all away? Why wouldn’t she work harder at this? In my head, I asked her, “Isn’t marriage important to you?” [Read more…]
Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and when you don’t deliver, it causes them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn’t meet?
I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They’re not always “haters” but they can ruin our day. God-like teachers, the decision to stay or leave, and more… [Read more…]
