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Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Avoiding the Relationship Con Artist

Have you ever wondered why some people get away with things and others don’t?

From what I’ve seen, the more dishonest someone is, the more they seem to get away with bad behavior of some sort.

When an honest person tries to get away with immoral or unethical behavior, they are often caught in the act and have to pay the price. Of course, you might say, “If they’re trying to get away with something, that doesn’t make them very honest then, does it?”

You may be right!

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Betrayal, Blog article, Control, Dating, Deception, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Infidelity, Lying, Manipulation, Relationships Tagged With: How can I tell if the person I'm dating is honest?, How do I know if my date is lying?, We fell in love fast

Difficult Relationship Moments Shouldn’t Turn Into Lasting Misery

One night my girlfriend asked me to grab her lip balm before crawling into bed. I looked around, but couldn’t find where she asked me to look.

She got a little annoyed. I don’t know if she was annoyed that it wasn’t there, or annoyed at me because she thought I missed it. I asked her where else it might be.

She directed me to the bathroom. I looked around but still didn’t see it. She said emphatically, “It should be right there against the wall.”

I looked again… Nothing. So like a good boyfriend, I started searching for it elsewhere.

She told me to give up on my search. She said, “Don’t worry about it. If you can’t find it, I’ll go without.” But that old people-pleaser behavior in me dusted itself off and kicked in to gear. And in that moment, I made it my mission to find it.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, Ask Paul, Communication, Divorce, Family, Marriage, People Pleaser, Relationships Tagged With: miserable in my relationship, My partner and I are always arguing, My partner and I are always fighting

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment
The Silent Treatment
Episode play icon
The Silent Treatment
October 28, 2018

Silence is golden until it isn’t. In a relationship, it can be a slow death.

It’s vital to understand just how damaging withdrawing love and attention can be to a relationship. Over time, with continuing neglect, love can dissolve to the point where there’s no going back.

In this episode I talk about the three main levels of silent treatment:

1. Processing time to figure out what you’re going to do with what you just learned.

2. Cool-own time as a way to regulate what might normally be a heightened response

3. How to make someone you care about feel bad. I’ll give you one guess what that is.

Filed Under: Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Emotional Withdrawal, Marriage, Neglect, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: He withdraws love and affection, She is giving me the silent treatment

The fear that you’ll never experience something ever again

The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
Episode play icon
The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
August 26, 2018

The best relationship, job or event in your life flashes by and now you are afraid that’s the best there ever was and it will never be that good again.

When you use the words, “never”, “ever”, and “always”, you set up your present and future for a daily misery that never ends. It’s time to examine the language we use and make sure we are not setting up our reality to be a nightmare.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Communication, Divorce, Fears, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Obsession, Podcast Episode, Regret, Relationships, Toxic Thinking, Victim Mentality Tagged With: losing your one true love, never happy again

Can Your Relationship Heal After An Affair?

If you’ve been the victim or the perpetrator of infidelity, or you suspect that there might be cheating in your relationship, this article will help you understand several important aspects of the cheater’s behavior, the cheating partner’s perspective, and what both partners need to focus on if they are planning on saving the relationship after the affair is discovered.

Whether you want to save your relationship or not, this article will be a good resource to help you understand the perspective of both partners.

A relationship can survive infidelity if both partners want to work on it, but there are some challenging steps ahead for the couple on this path.

This article is a path to understanding the basic components of the cheater, cheating in general, and what it takes to create a successful relationship during the rebuilding process. 

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Communication, Deception, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Fears, Guilt, Infidelity, Jealousy, Loneliness, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Regret, Relationships, Sex, Values Tagged With: cheated on me, cheating husband, cheating wife, healing after cheating, healing from the affair, surviving infidelity, why do people cheat

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