Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers
If you find yourself questioning whether it’s okay to step back from someone who is always playing the victim (and perhaps blaming you for almost everything wrong in their life), you need a way out and a way back to your sanity and well-being.
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Have you ever looked back on a situation and thought, “I should have spoken up” or “I should have shared how I really felt”? I’ve been there too.
Over the years of doing my podcast and this blog, I’ve shared how I’ve taken risks and tried new approaches. There came a point when I decided to start taking risks because I was tired of the results I was getting. I figured if I was going to get outcomes I didn’t want anyway, I might as well be honest.
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I read three emails from people in three different circumstances. The first one is about a troubled marriage where the wife doesn’t know why she is staying and can’t figure out how to make the decision to leave.
Segment two is about dealing with the victim mentality and what questions you can ask a chronic complainer in order to get them to do something about what they’re complaining about.
Segment three is about a wife who discovered her husband watches porn and since then their once happy, amazing marriage is now in shambles with little hope for the future. Lots to talk about in this episode!
Have you ever met someone who complained about their circumstances but wasn’t willing to do anything to change them?
In fact, if you were to suggest a possible solution to them, they would come up with an excuse or valid-sounding reason for why your suggestion wouldn’t work. And the more you tried to help, the more flaws they’d find in your logic.
The hard truth is that some people don’t want to change, nor do they want others around them to help them change. People like this refuse to acknowledge the role they play in their misery and often blame others for their suffering.
If you are intertwined with someone like this, you might have to be careful that you are not helping to enable this behavior. This type of person may find comfort in your attention to their misery. And as long as they are getting their needs met, they may not mind if you become miserable along with them as you try to help them.
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The best relationship, job, or event in your life flashes by, and now you are afraid that’s the best there ever was and it will never be that good again.
When you use the words, “never,” “ever,” and “always,” you set up your present and future for a daily misery that never ends. It’s time to examine the language we use and make sure we are not setting up our reality to be a nightmare.
