The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner

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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
Losing Your Identity in the Relationship –  The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
September 18, 2016

Nurturing yourself while you’re in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don’t lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don’t nurture yourself.

When family doesn’t honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with a brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are, so it’s important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend.

When your partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you’d like? It’s important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it. Otherwise, their ex becomes a part of your relationship, which can be damaging if you’re not all good friends, to begin with.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Human Potential, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: How do I find the right partner?, I don't know who I am without someone else in my life, I feel worthless and have low self-esteem, Is is okay to have an ex as a friend?

The Bad First Impression – Living with Debilitating Pain – Fear of Doing What’s Right For You

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The Bad First Impression – Living with Debilitating Pain – Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
The Bad First Impression – Living with Debilitating Pain – Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
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The Bad First Impression – Living with Debilitating Pain – Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
September 4, 2016

Making a bad first impression is not necessarily your fault. You could be well dressed, have a great hair day, have good breath, and even have the best personality, but that mole behind your ear makes them think of their mean uncle and suddenly, their first impression of you is that you aren’t trustworthy and maybe even harmful.

That’s quite a jump in logic but it does happen. In the first segment of this episode, I talk about the first impression a listener got with this show and how he criticized every episode I’ve ever created by listening to one 15-minute segment in a single episode.

What do you do when that one person criticizes you or your work? How do you block or avoid the emotional pain behind such a thing?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Human Potential, Negative Emotions, Physical Health, Podcast Episode, Shame, Thinking, Toxic People Tagged With: Dealing with criticism, embarrassment, Fear of Doing Whats Right For You, Living with Debilitating Pain, The Bad First Impression

The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends

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The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
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The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
August 28, 2016

Ever have a friend that said “Yeah But…” to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don’t do it because their excuse machine activates?

There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: “Yeah, But” people, and “Okay, I’ll Try It” people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it’s a good start.

Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what’s next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again?

Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don’t want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about.

Filed Under: abuse, Behavior, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Human Potential, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Suicide, Toxic People, Victim Mentality Tagged With: Emotional Abuse, Life After Abuse, Rejecting Former Friends, The Yeah But Mentality, verbal abuse

Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated

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Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
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Building emotional deficit – Can’t find or keep friends – In Love But Still Cheated
August 21, 2016

Should you receive something in return for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking.

You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you’d like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people-pleaser.

Also, I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can’t make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences?

Finally, I talk about a woman who is deeply in love with her husband and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can’t figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Human Potential, Infidelity, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Building emotional deficit, Can't find or keep friends, In Love But Still Cheated

My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People

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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
August 14, 2016

In this episode, I talk a little more about manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place.

Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you’re not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode.

And, what if you do a bunch of healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn’t want to change? In fact, what if they’re happy exactly the way they are, dysfunction and all? Accountability may be the only course of action.

In the last segment, I talk about someone who worked hard on their relationship for two years. Their partner finally grows into the person they wanted them to be, but are they still in love? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question.

How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That’s an important topic to discuss, so let’s dive into that too.

Click here for the six reasons you may feel guilty for leaving an emotionally abusive partner.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Guilt, Human Potential, Manipulation, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Guilt About Leaving the Marriage, More Manipulative People, My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late?

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