The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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“I am not the cause of the problem, you are!”

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Have you ever tried to tell someone they were doing something you don’t like, or that they were just outright wrong, but they turned it around on you and put you on the defense?

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Filed Under: anger, Ask Paul, Emotional Abuse, Family, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Relationships Tagged With: defending yourself all the time, My partner thinks I'm the cause of all our problems, narcissistic abuse

Difficult Relationship Moments Shouldn’t Turn Into Lasting Misery

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One night my girlfriend asked me to grab her lip balm before crawling into bed. I looked around, but couldn’t find where she asked me to look.

She got a little annoyed. I don’t know if she was annoyed that it wasn’t there, or annoyed at me because she thought I missed it. I asked her where else it might be.

She directed me to the bathroom. I looked around but still didn’t see it. She said emphatically, “It should be right there against the wall.”

I looked again… Nothing. So like a good boyfriend, I started searching for it elsewhere.

She told me to give up on my search. She said, “Don’t worry about it. If you can’t find it, I’ll go without.” But that old people-pleaser behavior in me dusted itself off and kicked in to gear. And in that moment, I made it my mission to find it.

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Filed Under: anger, Ask Paul, Communication, Divorce, Family, Marriage, People Pleaser, Relationships Tagged With: miserable in my relationship, My partner and I are always arguing, My partner and I are always fighting

The Silent Treatment

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The Silent Treatment
The Silent Treatment
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The Silent Treatment
October 28, 2018
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Silence can be golden, but in a relationship, it can lead to a slow death. It’s crucial to understand how damaging withdrawing love and attention can be.

Over time, with ongoing neglect, love can dissolve to the point of no return.

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Filed Under: Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Emotional Withdrawal, Marriage, Neglect, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: He withdraws love and affection, She is giving me the silent treatment

Finding your true path so you don’t end up living a false life

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Finding your true path so you don’t end up living a false life
Finding your true path so you don’t end up living a false life
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Finding your true path so you don’t end up living a false life
October 7, 2018
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Trying to find happiness is hard enough, but trying to do it when other people are in your life (or are interfering with your life) is even harder.

The first email I read on this episode is from someone who has a problem with his girlfriend smoking pot. He wants the relationship, but not the pot.

The second email dives into how deeply religious parents might want to continue controlling you even after you leave the nest. This episode is all about finding your true path and making the decision to follow it.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Control, Family, Marriage, Passion, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Spirituality, Values Tagged With: Finding your true path so you don't end up living a false life, follow your passion, parents control my life

How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices

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How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
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How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
September 23, 2018
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When you end up in a miserable relationship, who’s to blame? Do you feel powerless as the relationship gets worse and worse?

It’s vital to see the signs at the beginning, but it’s even more important what you do later on when you are heavily invested.

To know how to make better relationship choices and avoid costly ones, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast. 

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Codependency, Control, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: How to avoid miserable relationships, how to make better choices

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