The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People

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The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
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The Dysfunction of The New Normal – Offending Defensive People
August 7, 2016

Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your tolerance for bad behavior is so high that you don’t even recognize what’s bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me!

Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types, and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. I talk about that and more in today’s episode.

Life’s Too Short to Be Anyone But Yourself

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Why would anyone want to be disconnected from their emotions?

Because they believe they won’t experience pain. Of course, that also means they won’t experience pleasure (for the most part) either. The resistance of some emotions typically means the prevention of both the good and bad. But then what? What kind of life are you living where you feel very little at all?

When I was in my first long-term relationship, during the last couple of years I found out it was a lot easier to be analytical and calculating than it was to show my anger or fear. That’s because my girlfriend was falling out of love with me and I had thoughts and feelings about her that I chose not to share. If I shared them, I believed she might get mad and leave me. But in reality, she was on the way out anyway.

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Where There’s Shame There’s Strength

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strength in vulnerabilityOne of the hardest steps in any personal growth journey is the leap into vulnerability. To expose your fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment and other emotional wounds to the world, you risk judgment, ridicule and even rejection. Even the word itself means the ability to be injured or wounded. Why would anyone ever want to go there?

Because vulnerability is a path to happiness and freedom. When you choose to be honest about what’s going on inside of you with someone else, that’s being vulnerable. When you face punishment, knowing it will hurt, that’s vulnerable. When you fess up and admit that you’re wrong, that’s being vulnerable.  [Read more…]

Strength in Vulnerability – What if Divorce is a Mistake? – Never Happy Without Someone Else in my Life

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Strength in vulnerability – What if divorce is a mistake? – Never happy without someone else in my life
Strength in vulnerability – What if divorce is a mistake? – Never happy without someone else in my life
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Strength in vulnerability – What if divorce is a mistake? – Never happy without someone else in my life
July 31, 2016

Vulnerability is the final step toward your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt, embarrassment, and sadness, but also your joy, happiness, peace, and a lot of other good feelings too.

In childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we’ve been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right.

Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn’t want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she’s not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision.

Finally, I read a second email from a 24-year-old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!

What Emotionally Abusive Communication Looks Like

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manipulation

The number of manipulative people in the world is probably a lot higher than you might imagine. Of course, maybe I have that perception because the majority of my clients are in manipulative relationships, and I just don’t see too many other types.

Back around 2010, I realized I was a manipulative person for most of my life. I used masterful communication skills to get my selfish needs met by those closest to me.

In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I found ways to manipulate my partner. It took several breakups and finally a divorce for me to realize that my behavior was the reason for all of the heartaches that kept appearing in my life.

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