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Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner

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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
Losing Your Identity in the Relationship –  The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
September 18, 2016

Nurturing yourself while you’re in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don’t lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don’t nurture yourself.

When family doesn’t honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with a brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are, so it’s important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend.

When your partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you’d like? It’s important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it. Otherwise, their ex becomes a part of your relationship, which can be damaging if you’re not all good friends, to begin with.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Human Potential, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: How do I find the right partner?, I don't know who I am without someone else in my life, I feel worthless and have low self-esteem, Is is okay to have an ex as a friend?

The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends

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The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
Episode play icon
The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
August 28, 2016

Ever have a friend that said “Yeah But…” to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don’t do it because their excuse machine activates?

There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: “Yeah, But” people, and “Okay, I’ll Try It” people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it’s a good start.

Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what’s next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again?

Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don’t want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about.

Filed Under: abuse, Behavior, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Human Potential, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Suicide, Toxic People, Victim Mentality Tagged With: Emotional Abuse, Life After Abuse, Rejecting Former Friends, The Yeah But Mentality, verbal abuse

What Makes One Cheat When Their Relationship Is Great?

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Why would you cheat if you’re in love and have a great sex life? It’s not like sex is missing from your life, so what’s the point of going outside the relationship for it?

Sure, perhaps a new body, a new experience, and even newfound pleasures sound appealing, but are those enough to risk flushing your current relationship down the toilet?

I recently received a letter from a woman who cheated on her husband. However, she told me there was nothing wrong in her current relationship. They were madly in love and their sex life was amazing. But, she cheated anyway. Shortly after, she felt awful about it and fessed up to him.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Behavior, Betrayal, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Family, Infidelity, Manipulation, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Relationships Tagged With: cheaters, cheating, How can I get over the pain of the affair?, I think my spouse is cheating, Infidelity

Is It Too Late To Save The Relationship?

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learn heal climb out of dysfunction marriage

You made it. The conditions were rough yet you still accomplished what seemed like an impossible climb out of your own dysfunction in your relationship.

You went through all the healing, growing, learning, and evolving you could, and may have even given your partner the ultimatum to shape up or ship out so that your relationship had no choice but to shift into something new or fall apart completely.

You’ll never go back to the way it was. Is the relationship now “saved”?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Codependency, Divorce, enabling, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Relationships Tagged With: end of the relationship, growth, healing, how to know it's over, is my relationship doomed to fail?, marriage

Focus on Yourself in Relationship Problems

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I often work with clients who’ve been to couple’s therapy but are still stuck where they are in the relationship. In fact, most of the time one partner is “fine” while the other is not. I’ve often found that the one who is not fine is also the one who is trying harder to save the relationship.

Sometimes I am puzzled when I see that the “fine” partner doesn’t see anything wrong, and points the finger at the other person.

“She’s the one with the problem!” or
“He’s the one that gets upset!“

If comments like that have ever come out of your partner’s mouth during a therapy session, then you are most likely in a troubling situation.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Divorce, Marriage, Passion, Relationships Tagged With: couples counseling, marriage, relationship, therapy

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