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Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction

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Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
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Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
April 7, 2019
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If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating?

Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally “see the light”?

In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you… not for others, but for yourself.

Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others without the drain on you.

To make sure your compassion doesn’t kill you in your relationships, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast. 

Filed Under: anxiety, Codependency, Compassion, Depression, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, enabling, Family, People Pleaser, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, rescuer, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: compassion for others, is your compassion killing you?

8 Steps to Becoming the Ultimate People-Pleaser

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If you find yourself people-pleasing for love, attention, or fear of confrontation, then this article is for you.

As a former people-pleaser, I’ve learned exactly what it takes to become proficient at it. I’ve gained much wisdom since growing out of that phase of my life, so I thought I’d share with you my tips on how to become the best people-pleaser possible.

Of course, if you are already a people-pleaser, you may gain some extra skills by reading this article.

This article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek but also contains an important reminder about how people-pleasing almost always leads to unhappiness.

Are you ready? Here are the eight steps to becoming the ultimate people-pleaser:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, Behavior, Codependency, Depression, Dysfunction, enabling, Family, Insecurity, Negative Emotions, People Pleaser, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Toxic Behavior Tagged With: How do I stop people pleasing?, Is people pleasing bad?, What is people pleasing?

Living life on your terms

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Living life on your terms
Living life on your terms
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Living life on your terms
November 25, 2018
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How many decisions do you make in your life that are actually based on what you want instead of how someone else will respond?

Sometimes it takes a swift kick in the emotional behind to get moving on your decisions so that you can get out of the emotional rut of trying to please others while losing yourself.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Codependency, Communication, Decisions, Desires, Motivation, People Pleaser, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: better decision making, living life on your terms

Difficult Relationship Moments Shouldn’t Turn Into Lasting Misery

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One night my girlfriend asked me to grab her lip balm before crawling into bed. I looked around, but couldn’t find where she asked me to look.

She got a little annoyed. I don’t know if she was annoyed that it wasn’t there, or annoyed at me because she thought I missed it. I asked her where else it might be.

She directed me to the bathroom. I looked around but still didn’t see it. She said emphatically, “It should be right there against the wall.”

I looked again… Nothing. So like a good boyfriend, I started searching for it elsewhere.

She told me to give up on my search. She said, “Don’t worry about it. If you can’t find it, I’ll go without.” But that old people-pleaser behavior in me dusted itself off and kicked in to gear. And in that moment, I made it my mission to find it.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, Ask Paul, Communication, Divorce, Family, Marriage, People Pleaser, Relationships Tagged With: miserable in my relationship, My partner and I are always arguing, My partner and I are always fighting

When your parent doesn’t make you feel worthy

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When your parent doesn’t make you feel worthy
When your parent doesn’t make you feel worthy
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When your parent doesn’t make you feel worthy
May 20, 2018
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Where does your self-worth come from if it isn’t instilled in you from your parents or caretakers? There is a path to a higher sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It may not be an easy path, but it does exist.

In this episode, I read a message from someone who’s father prefers his new family over his old one.

Filed Under: Abandonment, Ask Paul, childhood, Children, Divorce, Family, Insecurity, Marriage, People Pleaser, Podcast Episode, Rejection, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: My dad doesn't love me, My father loves his new family over his old family

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