The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

Starting the Healing Process From Child Sexual Abuse

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Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse
Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse
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Begin Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse
November 6, 2016

Welcome Home Fiona music video by Asha Lightbearer

In this special episode of The Overwhelmed Brain, I talk with abuse survivor, songwriter, and my partner, Asha Lightbearer, about the realizations of her sexual abuse and what you can do to start your healing today.

If you aren’t a childhood sexual abuse survivor, you know one.

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse may not even be aware that they are a survivor. I had no clue that what I went through as a child, the trauma of receiving an enema at seven years old was considered a sexual violation. It was prescribed by a doctor and administered by a member of my family, so it sounded like a completely legitimate medical procedure that should have only caused a minor discomfort.

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Measuring Your Worth and Esteem – Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship

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Measuring Your Worth and Esteem – Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
Measuring Your Worth and Esteem – Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
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Measuring Your Worth and Esteem – Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
October 9, 2016

Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. How do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed?

There’s “street knowledge” then there’s book (academic) knowledge. Street Knowledge is having real-world experience. Book knowledge is when you know what to do but don’t necessarily know how to do it, or have the courage to do it.

In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a jealous husband who doesn’t like it when other people look at his wife. He can’t figure out how to get past these feelings.

Insecurities abound in this segment so it’s a great segue from the last one. There’s a little bit of ego involved, a leap of faith, and a lot of trust that may need to be built up in order to allow the jealousy to go away.

The Silent Treatment – The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior – Permission to Hate

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The Silent Treatment – The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior – Permission to Hate
The Silent Treatment – The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior – Permission to Hate
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The Silent Treatment – The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior – Permission to Hate
October 2, 2016

The silent treatment is like an acid that disintegrates trust and love because of the withdrawal of emotions (emotional withdrawal). It’s hard to trust someone who gives you the silent treatment because when they withdraw, you might feel betrayed and abandoned.

I also talk about the drawbacks of non-confrontational behavior and how choosing not to confront disintegrates love and bonding. When you choose to be non-confrontational, it’s like telling the other person “I don’t want to tell you the whole truth”.

And what about hate? Are you allowed to feel hate? Should you? I think it’s important to acknowledge and accept every part of you and every thought instead of resisting your thoughts. Otherwise, you go around holding on to a lot of negativity which you eventually unleash on those you love.

Tune into the Love and Abuse podcast to help you learn how to navigate difficult relationships

Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner

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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
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Losing Your Identity in the Relationship – The Brilliant, Worthy You – Exes as Friends – The Right Partner
September 18, 2016

Nurturing yourself while you’re in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don’t lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don’t nurture yourself.

When family doesn’t honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with a brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are, so it’s important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend.

When your partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you’d like? It’s important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it. Otherwise, their ex becomes a part of your relationship, which can be damaging if you’re not all good friends, to begin with.

The Plight of the People-Pleaser

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People-pleasers appear to be very thoughtful. They will do everything they can to make sure those they love (and even those they don’t) are happy.

At first, this sounds like the ideal person to have in your life! After all, if they are set out to make you happy, who could ask for anything more?

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