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Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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My Healing Journey from Being an Emotional Abuser

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Emotional abuse is the ultimate brainwashing technique. It often hides in the form of feigned helplessness, generosity, compassion, and love. The perpetrator knows how to appear kind and caring while intertwining abusive behavior, causing the person on the receiving end to become powerless.

Emotional abuse is a method of controlling, manipulating, belittling, and invalidating a person over time. It is often hard to spot in the moment as it can be seen as benign or even “normal” to most observers.

But as this behavior is repeated time and time again, the insidious compound effect of this form of hidden abuse causes its victims to lose confidence in themselves, stop trusting in their own decisions, feel devalued and unimportant, and blame themselves for being the cause of, and sometimes even deserving, of the abusive behavior.

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    [Read more…]

    Filed Under: Abandonment, Blog article, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, Emotional Withdrawal, Empathy, Judgment, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Relationships, Toxic Behavior, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: Am I emotionally abusive?, Can the emotional abuser change?, how do I stop being emotionally abusive?

    Dealing with selfish people that don’t care if they hurt you

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    Those selfish people that don’t care if you’re hurt by their behavior
    Those selfish people that don’t care if you’re hurt by their behavior
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    Those selfish people that don’t care if you’re hurt by their behavior
    February 9, 2020
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    When you are interacting with people who only want what they want, regardless of how it affects you, you’re in for a very dysfunctional and possibly emotionally harmful situation.

    It’s important to know your line and know when people cross it, then honor that line so that you don’t lose a bit of yourself.

    [Read more…]

    Filed Under: Emotional Abuse, Emotional Triggers, Empathy, Family, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Negative Emotions, Neglect, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Selfishness Tagged With: narcissistic abuse, so selfish, why are people selfish?

    When others make you feel small

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    When others make you feel small
    When others make you feel small
    Episode play icon
    When others make you feel small
    October 20, 2019
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    Is it possible to argue with love and respect for the other person? What if they can’t but you can?

    If you ever feel small or are made to feel inferior after an argument with a loved one, it’s time to learn what to do when it goes too far.

    Filed Under: Ask Paul, Communication, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Family, Insecurity, Marriage, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Toxic People Tagged With: I always feel afraid during arguments, I feel like I can't defend myself, They make me feel small when we argue

    Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?

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    Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
    Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
    Episode play icon
    Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
    April 21, 2019
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    What do you do when you’re partner does something you don’t like? Do you stay focused on their behavior and try to make them change it? Or do you shift your focus on what you can control and do what you can for yourself so that your partner can no longer use the excuse that you’re giving them a hard time?

    Jealousy, self-worth, and self-esteem make an appearance in this episode. Sometimes the people we love do things we hate.

    Filed Under: Ask Paul, Control, Emotional Abuse, Jealousy, Marriage, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: I just want them to change, Why won't they change?, Why won't they stop doing what I hate?

    Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction

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    Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
    Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
    Episode play icon
    Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
    April 7, 2019
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    If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating?

    Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally “see the light”?

    In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you… not for others, but for yourself.

    Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others without the drain on you.

    To make sure your compassion doesn’t kill you in your relationships, be sure to tune into the Love and Abuse podcast. 

    Filed Under: anxiety, Codependency, Compassion, Depression, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, enabling, Family, People Pleaser, Personal Boundaries, Podcast Episode, Relationships, rescuer, Toxic Thinking Tagged With: compassion for others, is your compassion killing you?

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