The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Focus on Yourself in Relationship Problems

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I often work with clients who’ve been to couple’s therapy but are still stuck where they are in the relationship. In fact, most of the time one partner is “fine” while the other is not. I’ve often found that the one who is not fine is also the one who is trying harder to save the relationship.

Sometimes I am puzzled when I see that the “fine” partner doesn’t see anything wrong, and points the finger at the other person.

“She’s the one with the problem!” or
“He’s the one that gets upset!“

If comments like that have ever come out of your partner’s mouth during a therapy session, then you are most likely in a troubling situation.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Divorce, Marriage, Passion, Relationships Tagged With: couples counseling, marriage, relationship, therapy

Acceptance and Grieving the Breakup

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One of the hardest life events to get over is a breakup or loss of someone we love.

When my wife left me back in 2013, I was devastated. I was completely in shock and had no idea what to do. I actually fell to the floor and cried like a baby. That’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m willing to bet you understand what that’s like.

I felt truly loved and cherished by her. She was someone who finally understood me and loved me unconditionally, and I was losing her. I was angry and sad, and felt like I was being abandoned.

I was in a state of complete hopelessness.

I also came to the conclusion that she didn’t believe in marriage like I did. After all, how could she throw it all away? Why wouldn’t she work harder at this? In my head, I asked her, “Isn’t marriage important to you?”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Behavior, Divorce, Human Potential, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Rejection, Relationships Tagged With: couples counseling, divorce, how to accept the breakup, how to get over the sadness of breaking up, marriage trouble, relationships

Getting Control Back – The Small Door Out of Depression – The Unforever Soulmate – Emotionally Disconnected Partners

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Getting control back – The small door out of depression – The unforever soulmate – Emotionally disconnected partners
Getting control back – The small door out of depression – The unforever soulmate – Emotionally disconnected partners
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Getting control back – The small door out of depression – The unforever soulmate – Emotionally disconnected partners
July 3, 2016
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It’s a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lie, and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping? 

Are you at a job that feels like you are being dominated or controlled? Is there a way out of this without quitting?

There may be. I got a response from a listener who wrote before. They took my advice about her work situation and everything turned out for the better. Controlling bosses no longer drove her mad.

What keeps you at work you don’t like anyway? What’s motivating you to stay miserable?

In another segment, I talk about depression. Why does depression kick in so hard? And why is it so challenging to get back out of it once you’re in it?

No joy, no pain, no feeling at all. Even suicidal thoughts can come into play. Or sometimes you’re so apathetic you don’t even care about that.

In this episode, I talk about a small door, or portal, out of depression.

In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from someone who can’t stop obsessing over her boyfriend’s friendship with his ex-girlfriends and hates it when he talks about other girls in general.

And finally, I end the show with a few words on emotionally disconnected people.

Filed Under: Behavior, Control, Depression, Emotional Withdrawal, Human Potential, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Emotionally Disconnected Partners, Getting Control Back, The Small Door Out of Depression, The Unforever Soulmate

The Process of Self-Sabotage – You Don’t Have to Forgive Everyone – Anxiety All The Time

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The Process of Self-Sabotage – You don’t have to forgive everyone – Anxiety all the time
The Process of Self-Sabotage – You don’t have to forgive everyone – Anxiety all the time
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The Process of Self-Sabotage – You don’t have to forgive everyone – Anxiety all the time
May 1, 2016
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Why do we fall off course so easily? When you prioritize tasks that take your time away from the things you want to accomplish, you fall back farther and farther until you are no longer making progress. In fact, you might even end up going backward.

Sometimes you are not in alignment with a bigger vision for yourself. The reason is that you might actually have a value hidden under the surface that you didn’t even know was there. I talk about this self-sabotaging behavior in segment one of this episode.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: anger, anxiety, Ask Paul, Dysfunction, Family, Forgiveness, Guilt, Human Potential, Infidelity, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Physical Health, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Shame, Values, Worry Tagged With: Anxiety All The Time, The Process of Self-Sabotage, You Don't Have to Forgive Everyone

The Abused Mind in Relationships – A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out – Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right

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The Abused Mind in Relationships – A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out – Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
The Abused Mind in Relationships – A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out – Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
Episode play icon
The Abused Mind in Relationships – A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out – Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
March 6, 2016
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Getting into an abusive relationship is a quick path to a horrible future. Getting into a great relationship, however, can seem like the best thing that ever happened… unless they cheat, then it feels like an abusive relationship.

If you decide to stay in a relationship where you know infidelity is happening, are you being abused, or are you abusing yourself? 

[Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, anxiety, Behavior, Control, Divorce, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, enabling, Family, Guilt, Human Potential, Infidelity, Loneliness, Marriage, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Toxic People Tagged With: cheating in a marriage, Emotional Abuse, I have an abused mind, verbal abuse, Wanting others to do what you want

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