The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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The Silent Treatment – How Emotional Withdrawal Dissolves Love

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We’ve all done it. At one time or another, you’ve emotionally withdrawn from someone who set off some sort of emotional trigger in you.

The Silent Treatment is a protection mechanism that kicks in when you feel hurt, unsafe, or triggered in some way. When someone does or says something that betrays your values, morals, or beliefs, you may withdraw and put on your “emotional armor.”

Some information may be so hard to accept or understand that you just want to slip back into your shell so that you can process it and figure out what to do next.

Important: If you believe that you may be doing emotionally abusive behavior and would like to change that about yourself, sign up for the life-changing Healed Being program over at healedbeing.com).

If you are currently in a relationship with someone who uses the silent treatment to make you feel guilty or sad, listen to my podcast Love and Abuse to help you navigate through the difficulties.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, anger, Behavior, Codependency, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Human Potential, Manipulation, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Dealing with Emotional Withdrawal, How do I deal with the silent treatment?, I'm getting the silent treatment from my girlfriend, The Silent Treatment, What is the silent treatment?

The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends

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The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
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The Yeah But Mentality – Life After Abuse – Rejecting Former Friends
August 28, 2016
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Ever have a friend that said “Yeah But…” to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don’t do it because their excuse machine activates?

There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: “Yeah, But” people, and “Okay, I’ll Try It” people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it’s a good start.

Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what’s next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again?

Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don’t want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about.

Filed Under: abuse, Behavior, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Human Potential, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Suicide, Toxic People, Victim Mentality Tagged With: Emotional Abuse, Life After Abuse, Rejecting Former Friends, The Yeah But Mentality, verbal abuse

What Makes One Cheat When Their Relationship Is Great?

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Why would you cheat if you’re in love and have a great sex life? It’s not like sex is missing from your life, so what’s the point of going outside the relationship for it?

Sure, perhaps a new body, a new experience, and even newfound pleasures sound appealing, but are those enough to risk flushing your current relationship down the toilet?

I recently received a letter from a woman who cheated on her husband. However, she told me there was nothing wrong in her current relationship. They were madly in love and their sex life was amazing. But, she cheated anyway. Shortly after, she felt awful about it and fessed up to him.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Behavior, Betrayal, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Family, Infidelity, Manipulation, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Relationships Tagged With: cheaters, cheating, How can I get over the pain of the affair?, I think my spouse is cheating, Infidelity

My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People

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My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
Episode play icon
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late – Guilt About Leaving the Marriage – More Manipulative People
August 14, 2016
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In this episode, I talk a little more about manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place.

Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you’re not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode.

And, what if you do a bunch of healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn’t want to change? In fact, what if they’re happy exactly the way they are, dysfunction and all? Accountability may be the only course of action.

In the last segment, I talk about someone who worked hard on their relationship for two years. Their partner finally grows into the person they wanted them to be, but are they still in love? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question.

How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That’s an important topic to discuss, so let’s dive into that too.

Click here for the six reasons you may feel guilty for leaving an emotionally abusive partner.

Filed Under: Ask Paul, Behavior, Guilt, Human Potential, Manipulation, Negative Emotions, Podcast Episode, Relationships Tagged With: Guilt About Leaving the Marriage, More Manipulative People, My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late?

What Emotionally Abusive Communication Looks Like

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The number of manipulative people in the world is probably a lot higher than you might imagine. Of course, maybe I have that perception because the majority of my clients are in manipulative relationships, and I just don’t see too many other types.

Back around 2010, I realized I was a manipulative person for most of my life. I used masterful communication skills to get my selfish needs met by those closest to me.

In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I found ways to manipulate my partner. It took several breakups and finally a divorce for me to realize that my behavior was the reason for all of the heartaches that kept appearing in my life.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, Behavior, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Manipulation, Narcissism, Negative Emotions, Personal Boundaries, Relationships, Self-Worth, Shame Tagged With: guilty, invalidation, manipulation, manipulators, shame

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