The Overwhelmed Brain

Emotional Intelligence for Critical Thinkers

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Freeze instead of fight or flight – Learning what didn’t work with the ex – Healing the hole in your heart

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Freeze instead of fight or flight – Learning what didn’t work with the ex – Healing the hole in your heart
Freeze instead of fight or flight – Learning what didn’t work with the ex – Healing the hole in your heart
Episode play icon
Freeze instead of fight or flight – Learning what didn’t work with the ex – Healing the hole in your heart
November 12, 2017

What happens when you freeze instead of fight or flee? Is there anything you can do when you simply can’t function? In the first segment, I talk about the inability to move or sometimes even think when something or someone triggers you or you become stressed.

Freezing can often come from childhood when you felt like you could do nothing during a traumatic event. Learn to train yourself to stay aware of what’s happening so that the freeze doesn’t come.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Abandonment, Ask Paul, Behavior, Divorce, Human Potential, Loneliness, Loss, Marriage, Mourning, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Worth Tagged With: Freeze instead of fight or flight, Healing the hole in your heart, Learning what didn't work with the ex

Are You Being Abused By A Narcissist?

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A long time ago, I was taught that a narcissist was a person who stared into the mirror and adored themselves for hours. But after years of working with couples on many kinds of issues, including narcissistic abuse, my perspective on narcissism has broadened greatly.

Narcissists wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t also drag other people into their world, manipulating them to do what they want regardless of the harm they inflicted. If they kept to themselves, most people could ignore them and go on with life.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, Control, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, enabling, Guilt, Infidelity, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Toxic People Tagged With: crazy making, Emotional Abuse, emotional manipulation, love bombing, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, verbal abuse

Stonewalling – Expectations of friends – Emotional abuse follows you – Get away to get closer to people

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Stonewalling – Expectations of friends – Emotional abuse follows you – Get away to get closer to people
Stonewalling – Expectations of friends – Emotional abuse follows you – Get away to get closer to people
Episode play icon
Stonewalling – Expectations of friends – Emotional abuse follows you – Get away to get closer to people
October 22, 2017

Stonewalling is damaging to a relationship and can make it fail if whatever is shut down is never brought up to be resolved. If you give your partner the silent treatment, you need to hear this segment. In segment two, I talk about expectations in friendships. Should friendships be an equal, two-way street or can there be imbalance where one person does all the work and the other just lets them do it?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Abandonment, abuse, Communication, Control, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Friendships, Human Potential, Manipulation, Marriage, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth Tagged With: Emotional abuse follows you, Expectations of friends, Get away to get closer to people, How do I know if I'm being emotionally abused?, how to make friends, Stonewalling, What is emotional abuse?

Those “think positively” people – Little problems that lead to explosive reactions – What is a toxic person?

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Those “think positively” people – Little problems that lead to explosive reactions – What is a toxic person?
Those “think positively” people – Little problems that lead to explosive reactions – What is a toxic person?
Episode play icon
Those “think positively” people – Little problems that lead to explosive reactions – What is a toxic person?
October 1, 2017

If you’re one of those people who repress negativity and put on a smile to hide your upset, you are likely creating negative emotions in your body that will eventually lead to depression. If you aren’t sure what I mean, listen to segment one of today’s episode.

In segment two, I talk about how the little spats in relationships that lead to massive blowups have an origin. The unspoken words are what cause those big explosions. It’s time to connect emotionally rather than logically to diffuse the emotional bombs before they explode.

For segment three, I answer the question: What is toxic? Do we call people toxic just to avoid our own personal growth? A listener challenges me on the topic.

Filed Under: abuse, anger, anxiety, Ask Paul, Control, Depression, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Family, Human Potential, Marriage, Negative Emotions, Overwhelm, Physical Health, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Thinking, Toxic People, Victim Mentality Tagged With: Little problems that lead to explosive reactions, Those "think positively" people, What is a toxic person?

The no-win conversation – Lashing out at others – Blame the cheater not yourself

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The no-win conversation – Lashing out at others – Blame the cheater not yourself
The no-win conversation – Lashing out at others – Blame the cheater not yourself
Episode play icon
The no-win conversation – Lashing out at others – Blame the cheater not yourself
September 10, 2017

Does your partner corner you into a no-win situation? Do they ask you questions that make you wrong no matter what you say?

In the first segment, I talk about double binds in relationships and a couple of ways to get out of the no-win questioning that often happens in both non-abusive and abusive relationships.

For segment 2, I discuss lashing out and where it comes from. Are they new emotions that seem to originate in the moment or are they old, stored emotions that derived from a single point in time?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: abuse, anger, Ask Paul, Betrayal, Control, Divorce, Dysfunction, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Withdrawal, Family, Human Potential, Infidelity, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Narcissism, Podcast Episode, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Sex, Toxic People Tagged With: Blame the cheater not yourself, Lashing out at others, The no-win conversation

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